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I just want to take some time to talk about how acne has impacted my life.

feeling like you want to curl up in bed and not face the world

feeling ashamed

feeling like nobody will take you seriously because of your acne

feeling ugly

feeling jealous of those who have 'good skin'

feeling obsessed with finding a 'cure'

those are all things I have (and still do) struggle with! I'm not even a little bit vain. I've always been the type of girl to "go natural". My dad ingrained in me that makeup was for "ugly girls who have something to hide." So I've never worn makeup. And now I find myself feeling like I have no other option. My face is just that bad. It's disheartening, to say the least! And little things- like meeting my husband's friends and colleagues, has become the most emotionally daunting task. I hate meeting new people because of my acne. I worry that my pimples are all they see. That they'll wonder why my husband is with me. (Because I feel ugly.) And, professionally, acne has taken its toll on me as well. I'm lucky enough that I nanny for a three month old and a nineteen month old. They don't care at all how messed up my face looks! It's awesome. But now I'm considering other career options. I've been volunteering at a local school as a literacy enrichment coordinator.... and I worry that, sans makeup and with a full face of acne, I won't be taken seriously enough by other professionals. I look fifteen. (sidenote: I actually looked better at fifteen because my face was clear back then.)

I won't lie. Acne has made me a little depressed. It's lowered my self esteem a bit. I think of it way too often while making plans to hang out with friends or go into the office. ("my face is too ugly today. I can't possibly go anywhere in public!")

So, there's this huge psychological/emotional impact that acne brings to the table. It's not just physical. I think that's why so many of us are eager to be rid of it! It takes its toll.

I'm ready for clear(er) skin. I work hard for my overall health, and I'd like my face to reflect that.... so, yeah.

As I said before, I'm changing my regimen a bit. It's really simple right now. (Dr. Bronner in peppermint for morning/evening face wash. I wash with warm water and rinse with cool water to help close my pores. Neutrogena Oil Free for moisturizer, morning/evening. 10% benzoyl peroxide. I'm pretty generous with it in the evening before bed. In the morning, I just spot treat so I don't dry my face out.) But the combination is not working.

I'm switching to morning/evening wash with raw organic honey + warm water- TTO applied with q-tip for topical, and perhaps an Avalon Organics face lotion for moisture. Simple. Natural. Hopefully something my face will like :) I'm continuing on with my vegan, GF diet, exercising, and taking my raw vegan multivitamin, plus adding in a vegan algae-based DHA supplement. I've always been really good about drinking at least eight cups of water a day, so I'll continue that as well as getting enough shut eye each night. That's it! I'm hoping to have some good results to show you guys. I'll be posting another current photo to the gallery today so you can see just how inflamed my skin actually is. Oh! And for the first time ever (besides my wedding day, where I wore Clinique makeup) I'm trying out foundation! Pretty sure I'm going with cheapo Naturelux, and I realllyyy hope it doesn't break me out. But I have an interview today, and I feel like I absolutely can't go to it without covering up.

Have a great weekend!


Hey! I read your blog and am somehow relieved that someone else feels the way I do right now. My acne is so mild right now, but I've had it for 10 years and just ready to "out grow" it or find a solution.

It's interesting that you want to try makeup again. I'm thinking of not using makeup at all, since that is pretty much the only thing I haven't tried so far. I've tried accutane, every kind of lotion, moisturizer, blah blah blah. So...today will be day #1 without makeup. sigh

Anyways, I wanted to give you a tip. I found that raw organic honey didn't really do much for my face. Maybe the cinnamon that I put in it broke me out, but it just didn't work for me. What really is amazing is raw manuka honey. I mean, this stuff you can tell is way different and more powerful antibacterially than other honey. It's expensive, but it moisturizes my skin, gives it a glow, and dramatically fades red marks. I bought 15+ for about 20 bucks.

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Hi Sarah, welcome to the Org. smile.png

Good luck with the new regimen, hope it brings you the results you'd like. I hope your interview went well, too!

I suppose all we can do for our skin is take practical steps and work towards our goal. Speaking of which, I noticed what y3rfd0g said about Manuka honey. I've been using it as a cleanser for a month or so and it's really good. I usually add a few drops of Tea Tree Oil in there as well. In terms of dealing with bacteria and all, there's a real sense that it's like some kind of natural magic and surely better than man-made stuff we often come to rely upon. The idea of putting honey on my face seemed a little "out there" at first, but I soon got over that. It's a great tip.

It's interesting reading how you feel about your skin. Moments before I read this entry, I saw the picture you posted of your wedding day. I thought, 'Here's someone who perhaps struggles with acne but clearly hasn't let it stop them living life or indeed finding love'. So, in contrast to that, it's kind of surprising to read here that you sometimes feel ugly and ashamed because of acne. It saddens me that any of us should ever end up feeling that way.

It all goes to show how we can really get stuck inside our own heads about acne. I mean, you can say for sure that there is one person in your life who loves you unconditionally for who you are, inside and out, yet acne still has the power to bring you down to that way of thinking about yourself. It's a horrible thing and I hope you find a way through it eventually.

Have to say, I do admire anyone who still has the strength to put themselves out there, enter into a relationship or maintain one, even if they don't feel so good about themselves. I imagine it takes a lot to keep that going. I've never been in a relationship as I’ve never put myself out there in that respect because I always assumed that people would think I'm ugly. It's lonely, but somehow that seems safer than potentially being laughed at because of my skin. It's a horrible trap to fall in to but I hope to find my way out. My skin's starting to clear now though, so I hope I can learn to like myself and eventually find some bravery to put myself out there. I guess it's a case of taking one step at a time, just as you are taking the steps to clear your skin so that you can move forward and leave those emotional issues behind as well. I wish you the very best of luck! smile.png

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