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25 Days! - Pessimism & Acne

Renn17

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Well, I've been taking 30mg of Accutane for 25 days now and I'm definitely seeing a difference. I'm still getting spots but they seem to be more evenly spread rather than really clustered, and they're definitely not as sore. I think the fact that they're just rearranging themselves is a comfort because at least I know something is happening...has an image of acne being synchronised swimmers on the pool that is skin... My face is moving from looking like a patchwork quilt to a patchwork quilt with little tears in it with a nice, clean linen sheet poking through!

It seems the longer you have acne the more pessimistic you become, rather than becoming resilient to the psychological effects. I often think that I'll have acne for years and years, and then, one day, I'll wake up with skin that is smooth and clear. I'll spend that day looking in the mirror for a few hours, walking to the shop make-up-less before returning home and screaming "we're through!" to the dozens of Clearasil, Neutrogena and Freederm products which filled me with false hope before proceeding to paint a mosaic with them on my wall. My day will end with me rubbing soil into my face and losing the sensation of having clinically sterile skin before finally resting my head on my pillow (which isn't freshly washed-why should I? I have clear skin!) and falling into a beautiful sleep. Then the next day emerges, I walk over to the mirror and BAM! A face full of creases, crinkles and crows-feet; sags and bags and jowls like flailing flags. 30 years of having acne, a day of perfect skin, and then another 40 years of 'past it's best-before date' skin. That horrible thought is always on my mind neutral.gif

Anyway, back to the real world, my skin is feeling better so maybe that horrible scenario won't actually happen. I go to see my derm on Tuesday so I'll find out if she's altering my dose or not. Strangely, the pregnancy test part worries me the most-the toilet door is hard to close and the cup is translucent and has 'urine specimen' in block capitals right across the circumference. Quite embarrassing walking through a full hospital waiting area with the pace of a tortoise, trying to avoid tripping redface.gif

Side effects experienced so far:

Nausea

Headache

Chest tightness

Excessive sweating (to the extent that my nan asked if I had jogged to hers because I was drenched)

Back/neck pain

Dry skin/lips

Watery eyes (better than dry I guess, but still irritating)

Easily fatigued

Anyone think that my acne will scar? Can you even tell or is it just a waiting game?

Thanks for reading! biggrin.png



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