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I'm afraid to go out



My skin is so bad right now, even I don't want to touch it.

The Veltin is good to get rid of pimples fast, but it brings so many new ones!!! I don't understand how I was relatively clear a month ago, and then BAMMMM!! I'm slammed with all this acne on my chin. I guess it was already so deep in my skin, that the veltin is bringing it out.

I'm so ashamed, I've canceled on nearly all my appointments/meetings with friends because I'm so embarrassed. This does not look like me. I don't want to put on makeup to cover it because I don't want to make it worse or continue the cycle....I don't know what I will do about class on Monday. I HAVE to go.

Reading allure magazine didn't help today. Just when I was thinking, oh my skin isn't that bad, I looked in the mirror and was horrified. After looking at dozens of pictures of women with flawless airbrushed skin, my skin seems lightyears away from ever looking that good.

I will die with acne. I swear. My mom who is approaching her 60's still gets an odd pimple on her chin.

On top of the acne, I'm having intestinal problems. Bloating and diarrhea for the last two weeks- especially after I eat salty food, meat, and cheese. I'm looking into a vegan, soy-free, gluten free, iodine free diet...but that is a huge lifestyle change and learning how to cook food all over again. :) Any tips?

I'm at the end of myself. I wish I could wake up not even thinking about my skin. I saw how it could be clear with a simple regimen, so I want that skin back! At least my skin was very clear while my boyfriend visited. I would have no idea what I would do if this breakout came when he was here.

I've been looking at friends from Europe (Switzerland, France, Germany) and they have wonderful skin. I noticed that many european women don't wear too much face makeup. I'm seriously thinking makeup is horrible for skin, but yet I can't imagine going out without it. I don't even want to be seen by my family. I know the look people give you when they see your skin looks like a bloody roadrashed of puss and gunk, and are thinking twice about asking what happened. You know what's more infuriating besides someone pointing out your pimples, is when someone who has one tiny zit say, "I'm so ugly! ugh, this breakout is awful!"

I can't do anything. I can't go to the store to get food or my prescriptions. I can't study for my final with classmates. I can't even go outside. I can't stop crying. I never expected I would feel this low again about my skin. I'm wondering if my intestinal problems (that have been going on for the last 2 years) is because of accutane. I remember reading it can cause IBS and long term side effects that aren't evident until later. Also, my skin is still very brittle I think and super sensitive since taking that 2 years ago. I used to be able to us BP on my skin...now I get this horrible rash. I seriously don't think I'm a vain person...I've just had acne for a DECADE now and haven't had clear skin since I was like 9 years old. I'm desperate for God to heal my skin, and to show me that I am beautiful because I'm made in His image. Hope tomorrow is a better day...

1 Comment

Don't get discouraged! You are beautiful no matter what. I know that depressed feeling and looking at all kinds of different people and seeing how beautiful there skin is and comparing yourself to them, or experiencing clear skin and then feeling like you've gotten hit by the acne train, but just don't get discouraged.

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