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Day 4

Ballerina_Baibe

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I love Wednesdays they rule I work short shifts with only mild shows and tomorrow is my day off, although I really need to clean the house. It's kinda gross with a dodgy smell, getting peeved that my flat mate doesn't ever bother to help with the cleaning.

Today's quote:

Happiness is the experience of loving life

Well I'm not happy or loving life, this country is falling apart around us and although I'm in what is currently considered a safe place who knows what could happen. As for my friends and family well the majority are in much more dangerous places so I'm constantly worrying and stress makes my spots worse and means I squeeze and pop them more.

I'm having a major break out it is the worst my skin has looked in a long time I think it must be the B5 I'm a week in and from what I've read it's prime IB time.

I'm feeling rather sorry for myself, I'm like one of those paintings which look nice from the distance but when you get up close and can see it properly you can see all the bumps and brush marks. It's been years since I had a boyfriend which is partly down to something terrible which made me afraid to be around men but now I think it's the acne. There are men who I like but I quickly realize they wouldn't ever be interested in me. I'm not an unattractive person... I used to do a small amount of modelling before all this but now well who knows.

I try to do things to distract from my skin like changing the colour of my hair really often, not sure it works though. I read somewhere that Katy Perry does bold eye make-up to distract from her acne. I do that too, she was advertising the clinique skincare I use but now she's fronting another brand. Hmmm that sends a message I may follow.

I've not eaten well today at all; no breakfast, crisps for mid morning snack, packet soup for lunch, smash and vegetable fingers for dinner and quite a few chocolate biscuits in between.

I've also picked today quite a bit, I thought about it but still did it. I suppose thinking is the first step lets see if I can progress from there.

Anyway sleep time, day off tomorrow should revive me a bit. Might get some more herbal anti-depressants if they're still on offer I'm really struggling to be positive right now.



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