My skin has been bad before. I have had breakouts and I have wanted to cover every mirror in the house. I've had that; it's nothing new to me.
But now it's really bad; I am having overnight breakouts every weekend. I wake up with four or five new spots on my face, and they're really painful and angry. I went to the doctor last week and went back on the contraceptive pill (Yasmin) and I was beginning to get hopeful that I was over the worst of it, but yesterday I had another break out; four spots in a line down my face. The only area of my face that is quite clear is my forehead which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever as about a month ago, that was covered! The ones near my jawline, at the bottom of my cheeks- they're the ones that get me down the most. Not only because they're painful, but they're so red and take ages to disappear!
I'm dreading work tomorrow, and this guy has asked me to the pub on Wednesday and I said yes, because I thought my skin would be better by now, but it's not! It's just getting worse!
I hate the way it makes me feel; the changes to my mood, and how I don't want to come out of my room. I hate crying, I hate lying to people and saying I can't go out with them because I'm busy, whereas it's because I don't want them to see my face. I hate the fact I've been suffering since I was fourteen. I hate how I always think 'it will be better in a year'. I hate that I can't do my own make-up because I'll cry and not go out. I hate how it makes me lazy because I don't want to do anything. I hate that all I want to do every day is go home and take my make-up off. I hate how I've spent a shed load of money on treatments that don't even fecking work. I hate that I try so hard and it just gets worse, whereas lots of people without acne treat their bodies badly and get away with it. I hate the spots on my chest. I hate buying lovely new clothes and feeling like I don't deserve to wear them.
I hate how the years are going by without a cure. I hate how I'm in bed right now with the curtains closed and it's lovely and sunny outside, but I can't bring myself to get up, go for a shower and feel all of the bumps on my face. I hate struggling to look people in the eye. I hate how I'm the only one of my friends whose skin has sucked for such a long time. I hate feeling sorry for myself. I hate showering twice a day because I want my skin to be as clean as possible- as if that will help. I hate who this makes me become. I HATE ACNE.