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Day 9-FML

overcomingshame

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Just a warning, but this is going to be a depressing post.

So, last night I popped the clogged pore that had been continually coming to a head. It didn't budge for a while but I kept at it. I ripped open the skin. Pissed off about that. Getting ready for work this morning was very hard because my skin looked like shit and I couldn't cover it up, I felt so ugly. So, I get to work only to learn that I had been fired. I didn't show up for work one day (I was scheduled at my other job at the same time and didn't even think to check the schedule for this job). It was my fault, I fucked up. So now I am super depressed about that. I loved that job, the people at it, and the money that came with it. (Serving job at a bar, good tips and a fun environment). It was also 5 minutes away from my apartment. Fuck, I'm an idiot. So I went home and did some job searching. I applied to jobs and wrote down a list of place to go in person. I went to the mirror and looked at the failure in front of me. Then I ripped my face apart. I feel so ashamed of myself. I mean, its my friend's fucking bachelorette party tomorrow night. I'm gonna look like asshole.

My acne and picking problems definitely have ruined my life. I feel so ashamed of how I look that I don't go to work and hide all the time. I pick apart my skin when I am stressed or feeling badly about myself. I just end up feeling worse. I am going to look into some sort of therapy, because this shit is controlling me. Its not enough to slather on acne products and tell myself to stop picking my pimples, I need to work on my anxiety and fix this issue. I am very lucky to have a boyfriend that will always support me and love me, no matter what. I hate acne and I hate the way it controls me. Maybe I'll go back to the dermatologist to get something stronger. Without having this job now, I certainly have time to work on my skin and clear up my acne.

So, as I write this I know what I have to do. Job hunt and apply to jobs near me, make a therapy appointment, make a dermatology appointment. Most of all, not beat myself up for my failures and flaws.



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