I'm about to turn 18 next month and the greatest twists in my life came recently. I'm currently residing here in Japan and everything is really a lot better here than to where I came from. Other than being in Japan, I was offered a modeling job by my father's friend. He came to know me when he saw a picture of me at my father's desk and since then he got very interested in me. So yeah, it was a thrilling fact that a modeling job was slapped right into my face! I know lots of girls who work their butts off just to get into one photo shoot while here I am offered one!
I know some of you are thinking why I am here at acne.org writing this blog and the first paragraph seemed like I was bragging a lot, right? Well the thing is that my life WOULD HAVE BEEN perfect if it weren't for the problem we are all sharing here, acne/pimple/zits/scars! I have been suffering from it for four years and I know there are worse cases than me. It's just that these things in my face really frustrates me! It sucked up all my confidence. In one point, I was even covering my face with a handkerchief whenever I go out or go to school for almost 2 years! I had bangs to cover my forehead zits and I wear HEAVY make-up to cover all my scars and acne as early as 14! All I can do is HIDE all I can hide but the sad reality is that no matter how hard I try to hide it, I will never look flawless anymore; especially now that suffering from acne for 4 years have left me deep scars in my cheeks that no make-up can cover anymore.
So why was I offered a modeling career despite how bad my skin is? Simple, he never saw me personally. He just saw a picture of me and that's all. I don't mean to boast but if it weren't for my bad skin, I do really look good. And when I put make-up on and take pictures, my bad skin doesn't really show so many people still admire me. I'm very thankful that make-up is around because somehow I can put a thin mask that can help me walk around outside without feeling ugly. Now I'm thinking what if the photographer finally sees me? Will he still be interested? My skin is not as worst as before now, thankfully. Make-up can make me look good on pictures and pictures can be edited nowadays. But the sad reality is that, I can't be a flawless model that can do no make up pictorials. Modeling is like my wildest dreams and now that it has come to me, I can't help being sad and frustrated how my bad skin drained away all my hopes and dreams. I no longer am confident, I don't even like people staring at me and I can never walk proudly with my chin up ever again. I know there are surgeries, medications and stuffs like that. But I don't have that much money and I honestly do not want to rely at my parents with those things.
And if ever I clear up (hopefully) It will still be too late. My chance is right here, right now, right this moment in time and all I have to do is show up. I have the guts to show up but what can't handle is rejection. Yes, the photo shoot might still continue but it will definitely be my first and last if ever LUCK is not on my side or better if GOD has another plan for me and maybe modeling isn't what God wanted me to do. But who wouldn't feel sad, right?
1 day to go. My monthly period just ended today, great right? Now I'm left with a bunch of zits! For the last couple of days, I depended on oatmeal, yogurt, green tea and water. After drinking 5 cups of green tea; atleast 5 cups of water; eating fruits, oatmeal & yogurt and making home made facial masks out of green tea, yogurt and lemon or plainly yogurt and oats. It really made a difference. Green tea is a miracle for me and hopefully before Sunday, the bumps on my face disappears! I don't my dark spots (I can work on that later) because I can cover it with make-up! So yea, I'm wishing all the best and I'll pray to God to help me through this!
This is my first time sharing these feelings of mine and I'm glad I can let it out here I don't know if anyone will read this thing, knowing it's so long but I do really hope someone will find my story interesting and have time to talk to me. I'm a lonely person, since I have no confidence making new friends and be so social. So yea, I'd definitely appreciate friends! <3