Hello Day 3,
Ugh, I hate the summer for making me sweaty and oily when I wake up in the morning. It actually makes me miss 30 degree weather! Last night, while feeling depressed about my looks and everything else, I picked off some scabs that were ready to go. I proceeded to do this for pretty much every other scab. I am left with a face full of red marks, but every spot i messed with was healed underneath, so that is awesome. The way the body heals itself is actually pretty cool. Anyways, I am breaking out in little pin sized whiteheads on my chin. Of course it being me, a girl with no self-control, I had to get 'em out of here. Hopefully these heal quickly since they are small. I have one big scab left underneath my eye that might be ready to come off today. *fingers crossed* The BHA is finally on its way, so I hope to God that it stops these whiteheads and refines the look of my skin. I've even heard that it helps to fade hyperpigmentation! I still have a feeling that the birth control and BHA won't do much and I will have to go back to the derm. I tried some topicals (plus BCP's) maybe a year ago that really cleared me up, so if nothing works I will try that again. My good friends wedding is the 25th of this month, so I at least want to look normal by then.
Besides skin, my appetite is very low and I feel very down. I feel like my boyfriend is not supporting me and will never understand how I feel about my acne and how much this picking affects me. I know he loves me, but I feel very alone in all of this. It is not fun to feel ugly about yourself everyday. I'm sure everyone here can relate to feeling this way at some point or another. I just really want to feel good about myself and not worry about my skin so much. I know I have a problem with perfection and probably BDD. Maybe I will look into therapy. (which I have done before) Either way, I am still hiding from life in my apartment. Hopefully I can get some cleaning done today. At least with my boyfriend being here today I won't touch my skin mindlessly or park myself in the bathroom scanning my skin every 30 minutes! I guess that's all for now, maybe I will update again later today if anything new comes up.