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Day 61

radiofreecarolina

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Lately I've been thinking about how much my life has changed these past few months. I can't believe there used to be a time when I didn't spend an hour or so every morning and night on my face, didn't have dry/red skin, and could actually wear makeup.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go back. My acne was worse then and I generally felt hopeless about it. And it's not that I miss makeup that much... it's nice to be able to come home and not worry about taking it off. It's just this regimen is really wearing me out. I have this mixed feeling of dread/necessity every time I'm about to clean my face and do the whole shabang. I'm so sick of applying cleanser, BP, and moisturizer to my skin when it's so damn dry. But then I'm too afraid to stop because I really have seen progress, there's no doubt about that.

My face is still super red. Who knows, maybe it was this red before I started using the lac-hydrin five moisturizer (5% lactic acid) and I just didn't notice because I had more pimples to obsess over then.

And that's another thing. I'm so tired of obsessing over my skin. I don't pop or pick at any pimples; I haven't since starting this regimen, what, almost 9 weeks ago? But because it's so dry now it can get itchy and occasionally I'll scratch it. I mean, I don't go all Wolverine on it or anything, but I do scratch it (mostly on the edges of my chin or forehead) and then afterwards I'll worry about getting pimples where I scratched. Because apparently that's what I do best: worrying. :cool:

Really though, I should just quit my bitchin'. Want to know why? I only have one pimple right now. One freaking pimple. And sure, it's pissing me off because it's taking longer to go away than the others I've had on this regimen, but still. One pimple. Do I think it's the last pimple I'll have? No! But it's progress.

Alright, so here's what's been going on

Day 61: Dry. Dry. Dry.

I've been using the Lac-hydrin five moisturizer for 9 days now and so far I haven't noticed much of a difference with my dry skin. A little disappointed, thought I would see some results by now. I've only been applying it in the morning because it burns like hell (for the first 30 minutes) and I thought I'd at least try to get used to it. That being said, I will probably start applying it morning and night within the next few days.

I've gotten into the habit of using sterilized tweezers to get rid of some of the dead skin. I don't rub or anything, I just pull it off. It's probably irritating, I know, but I have to do it, otherwise I'll touch my face nonstop and can't sleep at night.

Last Saturday night I noticed my skin was breaking out again, 5 pimples to be exact. It was really weird, because before that I had only been getting 1-2 new pimples every other day or so. Could be due to just starting the new Lac-hydrin five moisturizer, or due to rubbing my flakey skin so much... who knows. I sure don't. I just sit around and try to make guesses as to why my skin is so moody. Maybe I should name it Judy. (Lame, I know... just saw a preview for that movie)

Do you guys know what a Ped Egg is? It's like a foot file that scrapes off dead skin and callouses. Google it for full details. Anyway, I was hanging out with my boyfriend and his family one day this week, and his mom found an old Ped Egg while she was cleaning. The boy and I were actually eating at the time, and he asked to see it. I watched in mild amusement as he used it to grate one of his french fries. Then, my amusement turned to horror as he proceeded to rub it against the side of his face. I am not kidding. He put that dirty, two-year-old bacteria infested, french fried foot file on his face. I mean really, what the %^&*! :wacko: I was so disgusted I didn't even know what to say. Normally he is really conscientious about his hygiene, and he did say it was just a joke, like he was pretending to shave his beard. But honestly, I wanted to slap the hell out of him.

It's not fair. It's just not. I try so hard to keep my face clean and eat healthy and avoid irritation. And yet here's a guy who only rinses his face off in the shower, eats whatever he wants, and puts a damn Ped Egg on his face. And which one of us is the one with acne?

Moving on... I'm going to the beach for my cousin's wedding in 3 weeks and I had really hoped to be completely clear by then, with skin that wasn't too dry to wear a little makeup. We'll be taking pictures and my boyfriend's coming with us and I was really hoping to look slightly attractive. I haven't taken a picture in ages... besides those ones I took when first starting regimen to mark my progress. Also, I really need to get a haircut, but of course I'm too embarrassed about my skin to do so. One pimple is nice and all, but the flakes, redness, and red/brown marks are still prominent. And the lady who cuts my hair has literally cut my hair my whole life, so she knows how fabulous my skin used to look (That's not me bragging, that's just compared to how it looks now). My family is really close with everyone who works in the shop and I don't know... I just want my Judy Moody face to look good I guess... I hate thinking people will feel sorry for me when I know they shouldn't.

I actually planned on writing more but unfortunately it's time to go do the regimen... sigh.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

-K


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