I hate how some days everything is looking up, marks are fading and i've gone a whole day without a serious new pimple, and then just like that i'm back to square one.
Okay so my acne isn't at all the worst its ever been right now, mainly because antibiotic lotions are keeping it in line, but today i have these huuge red marks on my chin from where i've gotten frustrated and picked off scabs. I know it's wrong to pick but i always think- would i prefer for the scab to be obvious for a few days but heal quickly, or be picked so that i can hide it under makeup. Unfortunately i pretty much always choose the look okay with makeup option. My fault completely then that i'm now sat here with blobs of cream covering my marks in desperate hope that they'll have faded a little by tomorrow.
I'm getting seriously tired though of having to postpone or cancel plans because of my skin. I just want the day where someone could ask me to have a drink with them or something and i won't have to run to the mirror to see if my acne will let me. I live in fear of the itchy tingling feeling on my face that tells me i'm yet another pimple away from being the happy, fun girl that i know i could be.
The worst part is that i was signed to a modelling agency a while back when my skin was nice, but these days i fear that i'll get a call asking me to do a job which i have to decline because my face is in no state to be seen infront of a camera. It makes me sad because of all the girls out there who would love the chance to get a career chance like that, i am forced to reject it because of something out of my control.
But still, i wont give up. Until i see the morning when i dont have to hide my face with concealer before even being able to go down for breakfast with my family, when i can lie in someone's arms at night and not worry about them seeing my real face in the morning, and when acne is not my first thought in the morning, last thought at night, and everything in between.