Today (technically yesterday because it's past 3am now) was my second day of Accutane. I finished my period yesterday so I just thought because that's when I'll be starting my birth control then I might as well start the Accutane too. The first day of taking Accutane nothing happened aside from my excitement being through the roof. I took my birth control and Accutane together, and then 10 minutes I was looking in the mirror KNOWING there wouldn't be a difference, but somehow I just felt very happy to be starting my course, I was giddy just thinking about what I'll look like 89 days from now. Although it is inevitably uncertain, I am allowed to be optimistic of how things will turn out, right! Plus I feel like it's a good idea to be more positive since I know things are going to get worse before they get better, so immersing myself with positive thoughts will play a large role in getting through the tough times. Right now I'm like "ohh I don't care if I break out real bad!" but I'm human and I know I can have my moments of weakness. I'm trying this new thing where I'm being more realistic lol.
It is interesting to see how acne is such a personal yet public issue. It's on my face and I don't see it, so I *should* feel good, but because I know everyone who interacts with me in person sees my face, I then start projecting my insecure thoughts onto them. "Are they looking at me or my acne? Do they think I'm gross?" lol. Acne wouldn't be such a huge issue if appearances weren't so valued in our society. But that's life, and that's human interaction, and regardless we all are a contributing part of it, whether we're acne-prone or not. The thing that really frustrates me about my acne is that I don't think having a "clear face" will make me a better person or will fix something inside me, I really don't. I am happy with who I am on the inside, and that's not a conceited thing to think at all. I know I have a good personality and I can get along with others, I judge this by the relationships I have in my life. I want to show that completely, not walk around with a mask of insecurity and ugliness that is my acne. I don't want my personality to be hindered by my face, I want the person that I am on the inside to shine through the person that I am on the outside. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, quite frankly I think I'm coming from a good place unlike MANY people today who think they will be happy if they fix something about their appearance. I'm not trying to fix, I'm trying to match!
Yesterday I didn't do much, I just had a headache, I feel like I might be coming down with something, but to be honest I feel like maybe I really won't if I just get up and do something. I just finished up my semester a few weeks ago so I've been doing a lot of nothing and just errands and stuff that I simply didn't have time to do during school. I'm relishing this time off since I start summer school in a couple weeks, all the way through August, so I just want to RELAX. I really wanted to go away somewhere for vaycay with my boyfriend but he's a little busy and I don't feel right about forcing him to take time off when he simply can't. I can't get my way all the time and maybe the future holds a better vacation for us than if we had have taken one now.
Okay, so the key with Accutane is to take it with meals, so I take my pills (birth control too) around 10:30pm every night. That is usually when I have dinner. Everyone thinks I have dinner late, but for me 10:30 is prime time in terms of my energy and work, so it's likely that I'll be cooking in the kitchen around that time or be eating. Today I made beef stir fry with vegetables, really simple. I don't eat beef often, am surprised it cooks so fast (or maybe my gas stove was turned on too high). I really like the time that I take my pills because odds are I will always be awake at this time and somehow accessible to food lol.
Because I am such a forgetful person, I set an auto alarm on my phone. Also I taped a piece of paper that says "STOP! Don't forget your MEDS!" and stuck it on the wall above where I keep my apartment keys right beside my door. So if I leave, I need my keys, and if I get my keys, I'll see the note. Thank God I don't have a lot of visitors because if my friend had a note like that on her wall I'd be a little concerned LOL.
I showered tonight and I don't know if I'm just being paranoid but my body felt a little 'tighter' after showering, and it really shouldn't be since I am using Burt's Bees which is over 98% natural (also dryness after 1 day?!). I moisturized to calm my paranoia but also to get into the habit of moisturizing after my showers. I am anticipating a lot of dryness, so I'm trying to adopt new habits like wearing lip balm all the time and drinking water all day long.
If anyone is reading this and is wondering what I'm using, I have started to use the Burt's Bees line. Like I said, it's over 98% natural, doesn't have any parabens, sulfates or phthlates (however it's spelled) and it doesn't do animal testing as an added bonus. And yes, it contains HONEY! I was using the Neostrata line before along with a prescribed clindoxyl moisturizer with SPF but my dermatologist advised me to stop taking anything with glycolic acid as it will irritate the dryness I'll be experiencing. So now, I'm just using a Burt's Bees deep clean cream cleanser. I love it! It feels SOOOOOOO minty, my face feels like a giant peppermint after I've washed with it. I don't use any toner or moisturizer now that I've started Accutane, I pat my face dry but I'll stop doing that tonight because it's better to air dry. I just spoke to my dad yesterday, and he happened to be at a Costco so he was able to score me a few litres of organic extra virgin olive oil. I'm really excited about this as that's what I plan to use on my face. I know at first it sounds nuts because it's OIL but olive oil is one of those miracles that doesn't clog your pores and just moisturizes well. We'll see what happens, if my face should react weird to it I won't mind using the olive oil as a body lotion. I picked up a Kiss My Face body lotion, but to be honest I find it is too thick and you really need to rub it in. Maybe soon I won't have to but I'm thinking of returning it. I don't like the idea of taking forever to moisturizer, and wondering hmm where am I going to rub all this lotion in?
In anticipation of this dryness as well, I am using a Burt's Bees shampoo. Everyone should use this shampoo, BIG DIFFERENCE. I don't even know where to start with this shampoo. Okay, the bottle looks small, but it will last forever, so therefore don't let the $10-13 price fool you for a bottle. On top of that, you don't need to use a lot and once you're done showering and drying your hair (I air dry mine), you will feel like you maybe didn't wash your hair properly because it might still feel a little oily. THAT'S NORMAL. It means that because of the lack of chemicals in this product, it didn't strip all the essential oils of your hair and left it extra dry. And "oily" is an exaggeration. Yes, my hair feels clean and I know I cleaned it, it just doesn't feel dried out. AND I find that it's made my hair feel thicker, which is great because I fall under the thin hair category. And because of it not completely drying out your hair, you will find that your hair looks shinier! I can't believe I wrote an entire paragraph on this shampoo, (I still feel like I'm forgetting something) but if you're able to get Burt's Bees or can get a sample of it, then you won't regret it. I don't make product suggestions like this lightly.
Anyway, I do still have my headache, yes I've only had it since starting Accutane, I think, but it could be just from not going out and doing anything. Tomorrow I plan on doing everything that I wanted to today. And my boyfriend is coming by tomorrow night which is exciting because I've been in the mood to cook lately, which he'll appreciate. A part of me would like to not see him for the next 88 days just so I could surprise him with my new face lol, but I know that would be next to impossible because I can't go without talking to him for more than an hour lol.
I am really excited to be taking pictures of my face...the only thing is is that it's 4:30am now and I just really want to sleep now. I promised myself that I'd take a picture EVERY day but I didn't take a picture of myself the day I started Accutane, I took one a day before I started taking Accutane and I think I'll take a picture now right after I wash my face. There is definitely no difference, and that's okay (for now) lol. I am one of those people that want results fast, so it's going to be a test of my patience.
That's it for me, I'm going to make a countdown on my calendar too just to put my excitement towards something lol. Also, I almost forgot, tomorrow I'll be going to a honey store to be picking up "Manuka honey" from New Zealand. It will be delicious to put on toast as well it has great moisturizing and healing properties for acne. I've become a huge fan of honey being used as medicine, also known as apitherapy.
In terms of a moisturizer on my face, ideally I'd like to find a natural one that also has some strong SPF. The weather in Toronto is really stupid, you can get a sunburn on a cloudy day, so I don't know what I'll do about this once the sun's rays get stronger in the coming weeks/months. I never leave my house without a huge hat and big sunglasses (so as to hide my face anyway) so I know that can double as some partial sun protection in the meantime while I find a good SPF moisturizer.