Its been some 3 months since ROA course. Skin is irritated, thin. Probably because I still keep pushing with cleansers and cremes, just too scared to stop all this. Getting some pimples around mouth/jaw, but no cysts. Forehead is totally clear. Blackheads on nose, along with other sebaceus stuff. I got a hige nose and lots of oil glands. Meh... Using clay mask once a week approximately. Taking vitamins when I think I need them, following my instincts. Same with ACV, I think it messed a bit with my stomach, now taking it only when I have that sour urge. Hair is thick again and oily, I have to wash it every day, but I will probably shave it all off once I make photos for some documents.
I have to change my passport, it expires on monday. I remember when I first went to make it. That photo was in my pass for 10 years, 10 years ago. I thought then it was bad. When I went to take the photos, the lady just opened one envelope after the other, to check where my photos were. When she found mine, she handed them to me with a smirk like "dont eat my babies". How can it be that a person isnt happy for 10 years...? I thought Ill wait a bit, next time, next time, next day. Happiness never came.
One of my friends called in, said that we have a class reunion in May. Not exactly 10 years, but 9. How should I go there and tell I never had a job, relationship, bla bla... ? There are very few people I would like to meet, and goddamn swarm which I dont. I could go and talk bad stuff to my wrongdoers, or (try to) beat some bullies (Ive been pumping weights).
I kind of decided Ill push away these overhappy people away. I was at unemployment bureau in friday, and this young woman was giving us a lecture on small business. Good skinned, good dressed, happy, no rings, red nails, dropped hints how good time they are having at their university (she learns for doctor degree). When she started about that business is not for everybody, you need to have good health, need to leave good impression at the bank to get a loan... I just couldnt stand it, 5 minutes later I left. Some people need to be punched so hard.
The girl that rejected me (*because I am not happy*, like everyone who was born in a wealthy, prosper family with good genes that dont give acne, and whatever...) is on my mind each day. I tried to give my best, yet she shrug me off like some diseased bacilla. I love this song by Pharcyde - Passin me by, and I try to match with those lyrics "by letting her pass I proved to be a better man". I met some other girl, but dunno where its going, I only know that there were not such high emotions in the start.
Still taking anti-depressants, 10 mg lexapro, 3rd month now. First 3 weeks were the best. I say they are helping, at least im crying less in the pillow =)