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bit past roa, SSRI and other stuff

xn.

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So my ROA treatmend ended. For the next 2 weeks after it I was extremely hungry, always. Maybe the body tried to rebuild stuff, maybe I skip too much unhealthy food, or I skip food that I think is unhealthy, and thus the hunger. Havent gotten big pimples on face, only minor ones and they healed quick. Pores on face seem fine. Got one cyst on back now though. My skin tone (on face) has improved. Still the cold messes it up, but being home all day isnt right, I take some walks. Havent really picked at my face recently, and trying not to. Shaving regularly. My hair is growing back tho, should i shave it all off? Skin is fine and I dont want any irritants. Also noticing how my hands are, Im slightly OCD about them, washing and rinsing often. If I come from store I gotta wash them for sure. Also long keyboard/mouse sessions... need to wash hands =) Trying not to touch face, at all.

Got the antidepressant on 26th jan. It is Escitalopram, aka Lexapro aka Cipralex aka Elicea, 10mg a day. Had to wait 4 hours at hospital, there were like 30 ppl. I told to doc: "there is such thing as dysmorphia, it all sounds very familiar...". He said: you dont like your appearance, your reflection in the mirror, your face bothers you? Note, I said nothing about the face, but he was spot on. I was very anxios there, because his female assistent was there and some other dude, I assume a yet-to-become psychiatrist.

The drug seems helping, altho I know it takes weeks before it kicks in. He suggested one more drug, but I refused and said I will try this for now.

Being alone sucks. Taking a day nap and waking in the dark and there is no one (parents in work yet). Feels like eternity of darkness.

Over the past half year my wardrobe increased by like 700% percent. I can advance on this aspect always. I never had good clothing, mobbed around shool with single sweater (and acne). I blasted so much money on coke and chips...damn. Instead I could of get some nice clothing. I cant improve scars, but I can get some nice leather shoes, jeans and shirts, and whatnot else. Nice clothes could be my revenge. Altho my mom starts to put more pressure on me. Im not comfortable asking her money for vitamins, when its time for a big purchase (cleanser or cream)- its almost always a dispute. I can feel her anger growing. Would be nice if I turned like Elvis- id pay her back with a pink Audi or something. Wishful thinking.



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