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2nd day on Accutane. Feeling self-concious?



When I feel self concious I always recall vividly a snippet from the film 'children of men'. It tells the story of a man struggling with life in a nightmarish dystopian future ravished by war, and where women have become infertile. The main character Theo needs help from a powerful friend who saves famous pieces of art work while the world collapses from war. He's escorted in a silver bentley to the Tate Modern gallery in London. On arrival in the foyer he is met by two shaggy greyhounds who lie under a sculpture of a naked youth by Michael Angelo. They greet each other, eat dinner. Finally we get to the vital moment, overlooking the vista of the dining room with picasso's most famous painting 'geurnica' in the backgorund Theo laughs spontaneously, and his friend replies 'what?'. Theo say's 'you kill me, a hundred years from now there won't be one sad fudge to look at any of this, what keeps you going? ...'You know what it is Theo? I just don't think about it'.

There lies the secret in that beautifully executed line, in the subtle body language between these two people. When there is something you have no power to change you simply put it out of your mind, let the thought vanish, don't dwell on it.

The scene is called Ark of the Arts, the background score is 'The Court of the crimson King' by 'King Crimson'. The film is brilliant, watch the scene!

Recently I have been making an effort to avoid examining my face in the mirror. I've spent long enough time looking in mirrors to know that it doesn't help my confidence to simply stare at my reflection, wishing that there was somebody more beautiful staring back at me.

We have all felt self-concious which is why I mention this as I believe the only way to cope is 'just don't think about it'. For me avoiding gawping in the mirror and not touching my face really help me to avoid dwelling on my acne, and listening to Mozart or any other piece of music that touches the spirit.

Love Goldmund


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