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Everything and anything

Boredofit

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hi to anyone reading this, and thanks for having a gander!

i guess i'll start by saying my name's matt, i'm 21 and you've probably seen me around a few places asking rubbish selfish questions! haha.

i've called my blog "dark sunshine" because i'm an extremely positive person and everyone knows me for it, but wherever i am, or who i'm with, i've always got a second voice in my head questioning how i look or a second set of eyes concentrating on where people are looking when i'm talking to them. behind closed doors, i'm very upset, angry, pissed off, fed up and bored of worrying about this damn condition and spending extra time in the mornings or before bed applying stuff to my face knowing most, if not all, my friends have the luxury of not worrying about it. or some who get the occasional spot taking it light hearted and not giving a damn about it when it's a big deal to me.

and to be honest with you, i should be one of those people who take it light heartedly. i've seen pictures of people on here who have acne much much worse than me and i have a few tiny pimples here and there.

my problem is that i'm a perfectionist and really care about what people think of me, so any imperfection really eats at me. i don't have the occasional pimple, but i have a few whiteheads here and there but when i get them, they're pretty red which makes them more noticeable.

i have facial hair (and hair growing higher up on my cheeks due to azelaic acid) and it's very dark, so mixed with a couple of red zones, doesn't make for a pretty sight.

i think i notice my problems but other people not so much unless i have a proper humdinger somewhere which you'd have to be blind not to see!

2 years ago, i was 100% clear and the most confident person you would ever have met, yet humble and modest because only a few months before then, i'd been battling acne for a year and a half and knew what it was like to be judged on appearance. so i've always been able to look through the way people look and for who they really are, as i'm sure many of you are the same (if you're reading of course!).

i've been on antibiotics since december, having had a 6 month break from them after being on them for just over a year prior to that. i've had a couple of weeks where i've had no new pimples form but have had red marks to deal with in that time. i haven't been 100% clear since december 2008 i'd say.

my main problem areas are my chin and around my mouth, and occasionally either side of my jawline under my ears (i guess that's the best way i can describe it!)

i eat so healthily, make sure i get my 5 a day minimum, don't drink anything but water and peppermint tea (and occasionally fruit juices), i don't consume dairy or wheat or anything known to cause acne. i have at least 2 litres of water a day but average about 4. so i don't understand what's been causing my problem.

i've more recently been looking back to the time when i was 100% clear and looking at why i all of a sudden started breaking out again.

i've put it down to shaving habits since everything else is in my favour. i've been using 3 or 4 blade razors ever since i started breaking out last year again as opposed to 2 bladed razors.

i was using 3 blade razors every day last year and still getting problems. i moved to dubai to work for 6months in june and didn't shave at weekends as i would hit the beach or the pool so couldn't be bothered. the humidity of the place and the intense sun really affected me and it was the worst it'd ever been for me.

since i got home in december, i didn't wet shave for about 2 months, then i would shave randomly every now and then, and for the past couple of months, i've been shaving every 3 days at night with a 4 bladed razor. my mum seems to think that i'm getting spots because i don't moisturise enough, and looking back to when i was clear, i was moisturising every day. now, i don't really moisturise. i use an after shave balm after i shave (go figure) which is once or twice a week (sometimes i go 4 days without shaving depending on how easy i know it'll be to shave).

so i'm now setting off on an experiment. i've got a 10 pack of 2 bladed disposable razors and the same moisturiser i used to use. tonight, i shaved for the first time in 3 days with my 4 bladed razor. tomorrow, i'm going to shave with a 2 bladed one. this will be the first time i've shaved consecutively since december. it will also be the first time i've used a 2 bladed razor in well over a year.

i'll keep posting on here and i'll see how it goes! for anyone who's reading, stay positive. i've noticed recently more than ever that so many people have skin problems and even being light hearted or joking at your own expense takes the elephant out of the room if you're feeling uncomfortable with someone because of the way you look. that in turn then causes them to open up and takes their attention away from your acne. or it'll take their attention away from curious (looking around your face) to sympathetic. just a tip...try it. everyone's had problems in the past too i'm sure, whether you know it or not. one of my best mates has got good face skin, but has the reddest back you've ever seen. so what could go from an awkward convo with you trying to cover your problem could go to taking the piss out of yourself and people being more open and suggestive to helping you or give you encouraging comments. when i'm out i think everyone notices the tiny problems i have but you'll be surprised at how many people don't actually take note of it. when i was like 17, i used to hang out with this girl every now and then and i never noticed her skin problems because i was never conscious of my skin then because i had no problems. one day she made a comment on her skin to me and i was like "what's wrong with it?" because i seriously didn't notice! haha. you'll be surprised at how amazing life is if you just state the obvious instead of ducking and diving, and just being open and honest with people.

it's said a lot on these forums but try not to be desensitized to it - you're not the only one. take care! 'til again



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