its my first entry and its gonna be long one...i gotta vent, get this outta my system and thuroughly inform my reader...set aside a small block of time and snuggle up with a cup of coacoa or green tea(apparantely it does wonders for the skin)..shut up..give me some COFFEE!!!!
p.s. im a 20 year old female, living in memphis tennessee...guess what...we got our own cop show on tlc..thats how charming this city is!!! i wouldnt wonna live anywhere else..expect newport rhode island..i want a sailboat!! o and you will notice that spelling is not my string suit...jujst accept it and worry about your own academic hang-ups...i bet i can paint better that you!!!
alright here comes the swan song...i have had acne waaayyyyy too long (as if any amount of time were tolerable...FALSE)!! anyway, ive had acne sine i was 11 years old...i hadnt even hit puberty yet and in elementary school i had a streak of zits across my forehead and a cherry on the tip of my nose. my acne progressively got worse as the years progressed. i was able to keep it somewhat under control with the help of prescription creams such as benzaclin, epiduo, differin and duac. my acne hit a nasty high my junior year of high school, then miraculously calmed to a dramatic low my senior year...i thought i had FINALLY grown out of it (soooo naive)! so for the next two years (senior year of high school and freoshman year of college) i had mild/moderate acne...it bothered me now and again with the occasional breakout and constant slight bumpiness but i really thought this infliction was behind me and i could enjoy being a pimple-free adult. after my first year of art school i decided to transfer to the local university and things changed. i dont know what caused my acne to resurface...art school was far more stressful than the run-of-the-mill college experience and yet my skin was back to the less than attractive state it was in my early years of high school. one day at work (j.crew...i hate working when my face looks gross!) i met a woman who introduced herself to me and told me she could fix my skin...she was a medical aesthetician. i had never heard of people such as herself but i was excited and anxious to have my fist visit with her. for 3 months my aesthetician had cleared my face...i mean baby smooth! she did this via a series of painful extractions, peels and other chemical treatments. I was visiting her twice a month and everytime i did she convinced me i needed a new product...this got very expensive (at least $150 a month). after a vist, that i had actually avoid for a while, something in the chemisrty of face changed drastically. at this appointment she treated my face with accetone (yes nail polish remover); my skin crusted up like corn flakes. she then scraped my face with a razor blade, poured straight prescription grade salyclic acid onto my freshly strpped face and i commenced to scream and cry for about and hour (worst pain in my life)!! that day my skin looked beautiful...and that was the last time my skin was clear. my skin proceeded to absolutely freak out...it has NEVER been so bad!! i developed cystic acne (hard, large and painful nodules all over my cheeks, chin and jawline). with every change in my menstrul cycle, my skin would react...my skin became completely uncontolable, non-reactive to topicals, herbs, suppliments, etc. i met with a costly, cutting edge derm. with high hopes...my hopes quickly turned to defeat and hopelessness. my doctor was a young female who stated to me immediately that she did not believe in accutnae but rather that she had developed a regimen that she found very effective, gentle and gradual!!!! BULL SHIT LADY!!!! i have tried EVERYTHING...your all natural optimisim simply wont do the trick! anyway, i refused, flat out...i meean did she really think i hadnt ever tried green tea and a mild cleanser?! i wanted meds... and not antibiotics becase i had tried them before and i had bad reactions. i suggested that i try spironolactone, due to my suspicions that my acne was hormonal. she relutantly prescribed me a 50mg daily dose, after almost 3 weeks of blood work...excuse me freak but its just an f-ing diuretic...stop crying!!! she hated that i was educated and proactive! after 3 weeks on this dosage i saw slight improvment but i was still getting cysts, especially a week or two before my period. i demanded she up my dose of spiro or prescribe me accutane...well she didnt up my doage and she refuse accutane, stating that she feared i would commit suicide.... excuse me?!! dont make me get all memphis on your ass...you dont know me bitch!!! and i over heard her talking shit about me to her mousey nurse in the next room...hey friend, youre walls arent too thick and your whiny, horse voice carries for miles!!! i scheduled an appointment with my GP...she could not believe that i hadnt started accutane yet...she was very supportive and referred me to a derm who she knew loved accutane. sooooooo...off i go to the new derm (not so new actually, he treated my teenage acne). before he even entered the room his nurse was filling out ipledge papers...i felt like crying i was so relieved. the doctor immediately TRIPPLED my spironolactone dose, and informed me that in one month i would be starting my accutane course. he told me he had treated thousands of patients with accutane over the years and had ALWAYS seen amazing results, with only a few having to do a second course (i love old southern men with a no no-sense approach to medicine..thanks doc!! youre a kick-ass old-school dude and i appreciate your non-progressive approach to medicine)! and so here i am today, counting down the days until i get my first prescription...5 more days..i think unless im confused about how the pregnancy/blood tests work. im excited, yet nervous...nervous about the initial breakout, nervous about the painful side effects and nervous that i may be one of the rare few who has her acne return after a year or two. all i know is, im DONE dealing with this shit; it holds me back from being 100% every single day. its always in the back of mind; i always wonder why me, why cant i have the privledge of feeling pretty, not even beautiful, just pretty and if i cant be pretty then how about normal?! so here we go...on my way to putting those feelings to rest and starting anew.
please leave your comments and share your experiences...i want to connect with people as genetically unfortunate as myself! ill post a picture of myseld eventually but you see..i have this fear of having my picture made...dont know hwy that could be!