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Day 46: depressed



in my previous entry i said that i didnt have any more pills and it took 7 days for me to get some more.. Now im on two 40mg pills a day, so 80 mg a day.


any ways i went to prom and i was really depressed i guess, and lately ive just been really depressed.. i read the inside of the Claravis blister pack and it seems like i have all the mental problems haha.. except for suicidal thoughts and crying spells.

i feel sad, ive lost interest in some of the things i like to do (my xbox is dusty). im always tired and i try to go to bed early but i always end up staying up late for no reason. im irritable and im sometimes not hungry at all. i have trouble concentrating and i feel like i have no energy.. etc...

But, maybe all of this could just be connected to my social/personal life and school. (everything is just kinda building up)

Skin wise ive always tanned in the sun and never burned. I havent burned yet but my face is alot "lighter" than the rest of my body.

I havent had any breakouts but i still have alot of red marks. also its a painn to shave cause there is so much dead skin cells and stuff on my face...

I do my best on drinking lots of water, so at school im always having to pee. also any kind of chapstick does NOT work, for me atleast. I have found that vasaline (petroleum jelly) is the cure for the dry lips if i stop applying it for a day or even less my lips chap like no other. i have a little tube that i use and right now my lips are just fine.

Also my eyes are dry, especially when im wearing my contacts ( i wear hard contacts)

So basically i dont really have any new acne just dry (no fun to touch) skin.

And im depressed.

3 more AP tests to go, one on tuesday and two on thursday. i took the calc one last week, the FRQS killed me, but hopefully i atleast got a 3.


After i get done with my ap tests, my ap classes im taking will be a breeze and i will only have physics to worry about. Once i start getting more sleep and just getting my sh*t together i need to get a girl, stop smoking so much bud, and just be a mensch.

one thing that gets me really down is thinking about, what if i started taking the accutane in september or earlier in the year. I COULD BE CLEAR AND HAPPY RIGHT NOW. but no the soonest i can be done is mid july... :):|:dance::)


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