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trying really hard not to pick makes me want to more



even if im the only one who sees this, i hope it still helps to get it out... okay so now its the first day of trying not to pick. i think i should take baby steps becasue it clearly wont all happen at once. right now im trying to not pick and not touch my face. way too tall an order i think, because im still obsessing, and my face is really itchy right now. maybe its psychological because didnt realize how much i touch my face during hte day, and not touching it is making me feel like its itchy. im keeping a log right now of my progress. between last night and this morning, i created 7 new sores on my face, one in particular the size of a nickel. i started the log 2 and a hlf hours ago and ive tocuhed my face at least 30 times in that time. but at least i havent picked! i decided im not looking in the mirror anymore. im going to dim the lights and wash my face that way. im also going to put a picture of the way my face looks today beside the mirror so i can be reminded about how much damage i do to my face. i still have a faded mark from the huge quarter sized sore i gave myself at christmas by picking. i hid my face in the pictures. everytime i know i have to go out in public it makes the picking get worse. i also am obsessed with my clothes. if they get dirty, or especially damaged i get really upset. i got nto the habit of not wearign anyhting really nice because i dotn want it to get dirty. seeing people with clear faces makes me feel wose about myself. but writing this makes it a tiny bit better. this started after my wedding last summer. i looked my best with no cold sores, and only one zit that i can remember, but its gone downhill since then. yes i have had about 50 cold sores in the last year, but none for 2 months now tomorrow. i remember when i got the cold sores i said id rather have a face full of acne then one cold sore, boy was i wrong.

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=( I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with not picking your skin. Hope that you can stop- clue us in to your progress!

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