I've been breaking out a lot lately. I don't know if its my supposedly non-comogenic sunscreen, if I'm not being gentle enough, if I'm using AHA+ too much, or if I'm ust really stressed.
Well here's one of MANY MANY reasons why I'm stressed -.-
I AM CONDEMNED. My dad doesn't have ANY hope I got the emerson scholarship. I mean, yeah, its not like I thought I did but really, HE'S A FREAKING PARENT. He's supposed to believe in everything I do. Problem is, he doesn't give advice. Any advice I've heard is short lived and completely biased to his interests. It makes me want to break away from music completely! I want to be a psychology major or a veterinarian or an author, . . . .
All of my dreams rely on creating something that will bring in a lot of money. I want to find something I love to do,. . . something I love to do so much I wouldn't mind being poor if it meant having it as a career. But no, I have to be so freaking reliant on an easy privileged lifestyle I can't even bring myself to imagine being homeless.
I found another crossroad. Do I want to take music enrichment, creative writing, or spanish three?
As far as writing goes I could learn a lot from taking an actual writing class. Music enrichment would allow me time to catch up on school work and allow me time to practice.
But I don't know where I want to go, or what I want to do with myself! I love playing the trumpet, actually I love playing any instrument I can get my hands on, . . . well except the harmonica and recorder, . . . but anyways I think its a love for music in general. I like to compose, . . . but to do so as a career?
I also like to challenge myself to read complicated literature, . . . and to study things I don't learn about in school, like psycology.
Theres so much I want to do, that I want to achieve, but I can't find the time for it!
I know I can be great at whatever I choose,...
I'll guess I'll formulate a Plan A/Plan B/Plan C type thing, so I'll always have something to fall back on. I suppose the trick is getting an education and some ob experience before I run out of youth.
I hate being good enough to rise to the top of my local area but not good enough to rise to the top of any promising career.