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Day: 40

Mood: :shhh:

Today is day 40~ It feels like the days go by much slower when i'm always looking at my calendar and counting the days. But I can't help it. I've been feeling really tired lately...I'm also sick =( I think i'm coming down with a cold or something. Hopefully it's not bronchitis (I've had it before and it sucked...I had a fever of 40' and was constantly coughing. My lungs were never the same ever since) I've been coughing up phelm and just been feeling blah. Thankfully, I'm feeling a lot better today. Ever since taking accutane, i've been trying to keep my body healthy as possible. I'm still walking my dog everyday- without makeup...it's been hard and there are days when i force myself to brave up and just go. But it's a constant battle everyday. Everyday, I feel proud of myself...but everyday i pray that i don't meet anyone i know...haha Like i've mentioned I've had pretty clear skin but all in a matter of just 3 months my life changed. Acne became bad to worse all in such a short time frame. It's amazing how fast and how sudden my life changed. Acne does change you, it makes you want to hide in a hole and be a hermit.

I'm currently organizing my pictures...I recently got my year 2009 pictures developed. I was in Asia for a year as an expat and going through the pictures made me realize how happy and full of life i was. It was such an amazing experience living in an unknown place, getting by without knowing the language and learning about the different culture and way of life in a country that's half way around the world. The best part was meeting amazing people. Whom I still keep in touch...most of my friends don't know i'm experiencing this. Most of my friends either think i'm still traveling or just too busy for them. It's fine with me...It's me that's pulling away from my friends. I just don't want to be put in a situation where my self confidence could be destroyed even more...I don't want ppl to feel pity for me...I've always been such a strong, positive person and I would say that this experience of living with acne has been the hardest thing i have ever experienced. Shifting through my pictures, i felt like I was looking at a different person. I felt like the pictures that i hold in my hands are the only tangible memories that i have of the person who i used to be.....

I'm sure most of you can relate. I do love life! Maybe not 100% at the moment. I will go back to the life i used to live. I'm giving it 4 month! =)

Anyways, as for the side effects, my nightly routine of waking up and going pee has decreased! I've been getting up just twice in the middle of the night..it's an improvement! My lips are getting pretty chapped, I'm constantly moisturizing my lips. I've also been dreaming some fun, exciting, adventure filled dreams! I read that some ppl are experiencing horror/scary dreams but mine's adventure filled- they're fun! Oh and my eyes are getting dried...i think having dry eyes makes you more tired than you are. I haven't put any eye drops or anything yet. I'm trying to put it off as long as I can. I've also been rinsing my face with lemon juice- I dilute it with water. I've also been putting the real aloe vera gel on my red marks. I've been doing this for 5 days and it seems to be helping with the red marks...but who knows, it's too early for me to say anything. I'm going to keep doing this as much as I can....hopefully the red marks will start fading....and I can live the life I used to live....like i said, I'm only going to give it 4 more month! (the course of my accutane hee hee =)


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