Well yesterday and today were pretty sweet. I ate SO much junk food. Also I'm STILL unsure about track. I think I'm quitting. Its too much for my time and health. Even if I were healthy all I'd do is stress (track takes away from school work),...and if I really wanted to get adequate exercise outside of gym class all I'd have to do is ride my bike to school and take a lap up to upper park and back before going home. I'd still get home around an hour and a half earlier than I would if I did track, and eventually I'd be in decent shape if I did running on the weekends and core work too.
I think I need to seriously re-prioritize my life. I've put exercise ahead of my health, when the point of it in the first place was to BE healthy! Maybe that free period next year will be enough to keep up in my classes so I'll less of a stressball and thus will not compulsively sentence myself to intense and unnecessary workouts (an attempt to relieve stress and improve self-image).
Many people focus on eating as the sole issue, . . . but exercise DOESN'T fix it. In fact it can make things WORSE if you don't have the right mindset,...like me.
Besides being healthy, I basically wanted to lose weight and be able to play games in gym class with ease. (Speed and endurance makes up for uncoordination in many games) There are also many other things I like about track. I love the way the uniform feels on my skin, how involved I feel out there giving it my all at a new event or an old one. I love the feeling I get when I make new friends or I'm accepted somehow for something GOOD. I love the accomplishment of beating my own personal record and actually having it be near the top in placement. It makes me feel, . . . like I really worked for something.
Which I know I'd feel if I got back into track and stuck with it.
I'd eventually get a uniform,..its too late to be in the yearbook pictures,..I'd be able to compete.
But at what cost?
As for my skin:
Its doing fine. I have a new zit by my eye. (thats a freakin' problem area apparently) and my cheeks are still riddled with dark spots. Its going to be a long time before I'm really clear,...something tells me I'll never be. At least I tried. Maybe its like track. Maybe I'm kust not supposed to excel at competitive sports, and maybe I'm just not wired for clear skin.
And yet I'm still going for clear skin,...why can't I do the same for track...
And now I don't know WHAT I'm doing.