Caught a little cold and am not getting much sleep due to congestion. Its 6am here but I've been up since 4. I've got some studying to do for a mid term I have today and needed to get my Food Handler's certification online anyway- might as well get it out of the way this morning if I'm not going to sleep! Thought I'd write a little update on my accutane journey as well...
Right now I'm experiencing a mild breakout. To others and to my doctor it might be coined "severe", but its not the worst I've gone through. I have a handful of nodules, but mostly black heads and inflammation. I imagine how in as little as 6 months I will never have to go through this again- and it keeps me looking up. On another positive note: I don't have much scarring like other sufferers seem to have. I have a couple of pocs and my pores are a mess, but in good time they will definitely heal. A couple weeks ago I pledged to stop picking my zits- forever- and although I've had a couple of weak moments, I have noticed an ASTRONOMICAL difference in healing time, inflammation and redness when I can keep my hands off my face.
I started wearing makeup again in December. I tried to hold out on wearing it for my skin's sake, but I became a total hermit and an emotional basket case. I use Lancome, and although it seems to cause some minor irritation it covers everything beautifully and looks very natural. Every time I put it on I can just imagine what it will be like not to have acne anymore. I will be beautiful! I am also grateful to makeup because I gained the confidence to go get a job- a great job- and I discovered I'm actually a pretty good costumer service person. I've also been a lot more outgoing- seeing old friends and meeting a few new people. I've even had a couple of admirers... (admittedly I have totally forgotten how to deal with being flirted with and probably responded like a total dork). I almost feel normal again- finally people are looking past this minor flaw and seeing the real, healthy me.
On that point- a more depressing note. Of course, in hindsight, I shouldn't have tried to wake the sleeping dogs- as they say- but being an amicable person I decided to get in touch with an old friend from highschool... an old boyfriend. Another of his friends contacted me and we hung out once or twice, so I decided that maybe we should all just be friends. I would never booty call an ex, that wasn't my point in contacting him. I am friends and see regularly almost all of my exes, and with them I often share mutual friends, interests, etc. I am not interested in superficial bonds, and believe that I would have better judgement than to enter into a friendship or relationship with someone with whom I couldn't love as family. Anyway, I tried to contact him and got an asinine response. So I complained: called him immature, told him he needed to challenge himself, growup, etc. He isn't doing anything with his life- no job, no school, lives with his mom and was a real ass to me towards the end of our relationship. We split when I moved to NYC after high school but made some forlorn promises to continue to be friends. Shortly after I moved is when my acne started, and when I visited home and he saw me, he was instantly repulsed. I held out in my imagination that it wasn't the acne: it was pain he felt on a deeper emotional level that would not allow us to be friends. This was over the last couple of years. When I tried to contact him last week, however, he finally was straight with me. He called me ugly, messy, and overly composed. He told me to kill myself- that I had become too ugly. I responded that maybe he was right about all of that, but it was cruel and I still cared about him and always would.
It hurt at first, but I'm nearly over it. I guess I told him exactly what he needed to hear... at nearly 21, he is VERY immature. Come on- "ugly"? Who beyond the age of 12 uses that to insult someone? And who would be so superficial as to end a friendship with someone who really cares about you based on acne? (Besides, his friend who contacted me... was kind of trying to get in my pants... )
Less than 3 weeks until I start accutane! I'm going to log into the iPledge system online right now- I got the letter in the mail with the activation code etc. a couple of days ago.
Also: I started doing some major hiking and I've seen a great improvement in skin tone and texture from it. I weat a hat and sunglasses to protect from sun damage. Sometimes I just walk the trails, sometimes I run them. My booty and calves look amazing too! and its great for the abs. After I come off the trail my skin is always glowing- and not in a greasy kind of way. Helps relieve stress and anxiety too- I def recommend this for everyone
Well guys, I'm feeling a little better. I hope you all have an awesome day and keep your heads up!