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in the beginning...



Day 3

I began my accutane adventure Friday March 5th. I am 27 years old and am sooooo tired of having acne! Oddly no one ever guesses my real age they always think I am much younger, which I think is due to the acne. I am sure eventually a girl will enjoy having a youthful appearance but not because her skin looks like she is still going through puberty!!

I have had acne since around the age of 12, it was mild at first just random white heads, a few blackheads nothing that I didn't think was somewhat manageable. I have used acne products since I began my interest in skin care and I think I have tried everything on the market! It seems like my skin will clear up for a while and be okay for several months - never perfectly clear but okay- then my skin will plateau and the acne is back full force and gross as ever. The older I got the worse my skin became and I have exhausted all of my options with the drugstore, the beauty counter, and the dermatologist. I hate my skin - every pore on my nose is a blackhead, I brake out on my cheeks, chin, forehead, neck - my entire face is game. Not only do I get little ones but periodically I get deep ones under the skin that are huge, and painful- they seem to pulse with their own little heartbeats... so I name them (and for some reason they are always men's names, I never realized that before)!

Beyond that acne began to invade my body; literally I do not just have back acne I have entire body acne. I brake out on my back, chest, arms (upper and lower), stomach, (oddly for some reason it skips my butt) and legs. It is very attractive. I try to manage this as well, I always use a body wash and lotion for skin clearing but the acne is never fully cleared up. I typically only wear cottons to try to mitigate bad things on my skin but I can't get this stuff to go away. I have not been swimming with friends since I was a child because I do not want anyone to see my skin. I also plan my wardrobe around what my body acne is doing I do own v neck shirts but they only get worn when my chest isn't broken out. It would be much easier to be a guy!

I am actually a pretty cute, which maybe makes this even harder for me. I work for a well known cosmetics company and am very good at makeup application. Luckily I can work wonders with concealer and most people don't see how bad my skin can get - other than when I have huge cysts that deform my face.

When I tell people that I am starting accutane many people do not understand why cause I do such a good job covering it all up. My roommates understand though they have seen me without my makeup!

So...here we are day 3. I am excited and scared. I am excited to be able to maybe wear a tank top this summer (to somewhere other than to bed), maybe I can even go swimming with friends! I am ready to have a clear face and not have to wear so much face makeup to hide all my flaws. But I am scared as well: scared at how bad it is gonna get, and how crazy all the side effects are gonna be. I am worried about the brittle bone stuff: I play co-ed soccer and kickball and I am pretty rowdy! I also go to the gym often- I am not gonna be happy if I am in pain cause of this stuff and have to stop these activities. Also I am in school (I went back after several years of just working) and am worried about not being able to concentrate, and about the depression or mood swing stuff. Hopefully it won't be too bad, and will all be worth it in the end!!

Right now my skin: is pretty gross, I have 4 deep cysts and at least 17 littler whitehead guys, and oodles of blackheads and clogged pores (you know the ones you can't necessarily see but you can feel in the skin and if you squeeze them a ton of sh*t will come out). I had 3 of the cysts on Friday when I started, only the one is new and since I am only on day 3 I don't really know if it is from the tane or if it was just there and hadn't surfaced yet.

Side effects: unsure on this one, I don't think I have any yet. But every time something feels funny I jump straight to "is it the accutane?!" Such as my teeth feel funny today for some reason, I am not kidding, not painful just funny: I think I am just being a hypochondriac. I did wake up with rash on my left wrist though, putting some Aquaphor on it this morning helped.

Oddest change so far: not using my regular skin care stuff. I can never remember a time when I did not cleanse, tone, treat the acne, and moisturize. My doc said to just switch to a less intense cleanser, no toner, no bp, and just to moisturize. It is super weird! Maybe when I am more dry I will become more accustomed to my new routine. (I have been cheating though and using my retin-a as a spot treatment on the big ones, don't tell!)

lol this is really long. Sorry. I am just writing this blog cause I need somewhere to air out all of my stuff surrounding this, I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about my acne. I don't even know if anyone will even read any of this but it does make me feel better just to get it all off my chest...

Hopefully accutane will help get all the sh*t off my chest too =^.^=

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Good luck with your treatment, you will see that you will get less worried after some time about the side effects(except from dry lips and dry skin and maybe back pain, I haven't expirienced any others...)It's good to write all your feelings down and you should know that you are not alone and this nightmare will soon be over, as long as you have faith :-

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