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FIRST DAY... so many dreams



Hello. You can call me Amy. I'm too embarrassed to share my real name, and no one from my personal life knows I am here. I am 24. I have * moderate * persistent acne that is all over my face and back and butt. It won't go away with antibiotics. I do have an urge to pick it and squeeze the shit out of it which I can't control (makes me feel better but leaves scars, I know). Having bad and sick looking skin causes me lots of emotional pain and some times physical pain too.

I have been a victim of acne since I was 13.

Up until 18 I went to the family doctor who always said that it was normal. He said I was a teenager and acne will go away on its own. He was strictly against any type of medication for it. He said antibiotics don't work and then he would talk about kidney failure and knee problems and scary things that happen to people who take acne medication so my parents decided to listen to him. At least he was right about the antibiotics.

When I was free to see a dermatologist on my own insurance, they would say I am lucky I don't have it on my face and only on my back. They would give me ointments and creams, but putting them on my back every morning and every night was NOT practical.

The past couple of years, I have been reading about accutane, and I was completely and utterly terrified by what I have found on the internet.

Now, I am fed up. Today is the day I started taking Isosupra (same as accutane, 32 gm instead of a 40 gm on accutane)

The last couple of years up until today I have been trying and trying:

First acne treatment (22 years)

Back then, my acne was just on my back and shoulders and was moderate to severe. I took an antibiotic tetracycline (4 month). Result= New mild acne on face, and the acne is less severe but more in number. It still looked ugly.

Second acne treatment (23)

Still trying to clear my back, I took doxycycline (4 months).

Bacteria starting to get more resistant and stronger. Back unaffected. Face started breaking out in mild to moderate acne. I have a feeling it's also behind developing some problems down there.

Third acne treatment (24)

Doxycycline Vebramycin again for one month only. Completely useless.


I was prescribed Isosupra Lidose. 32gm a day for five months. I weight 50 Kgs (105 lbs?).

I took the first two 16 gm pills today. I only *pray* that it won't permanently harm me in anyway way.

It's been 4 hours, the only thing I noticed so far is that I find it hard to find words :S It's strange to me. When I said above that antibiotics caused problems down there, it's because I paused blankly for a minute trying to remember what it was called. I still can't remember.

That's a problem if it's going to stay.

I have an important occasion in a month. I wish wish wish my face and back would clear a little bit. Just a little bit.


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