So I was doing really great for like a week, and I was getting control of my skin again and everything was great. Then, randomly these last three days my depression was awful and I didn't leave my bed all day, and I mean that literally. I was dehydrated and sick because i wasn't going anywhere. I have no idea why I was so unmotivated to move, but depression does that so. I caved and picked everything. It had a horrible effect on my skin and my emotional stablilty. The day I picked my skin, I thought I was doing better and by picking at it, I went into a downward spiral again. I feel awful and I know I shouldn't beat myself about it but I can't help it. I just want to hide in my room and avoid everyone. Unfortunately I go to school. I'm mostly disappointed because I know I should let my skin breathe by I know if I don't cover it up I will feel super self conscious and probably pick at it. Anyway. I feel like I should start updating on this more, hopefully keep me on track.
SO day six was smooth and I didn't attack my face, but on day 7 I did mess with my skin a lot but I stopped myself so it could've gone farther. I was super stressed about a lot and sick so I just needed that for some reason even though I felt awful after. As for today (day 8) I think I've come to the conclusion that I am the only person who thinks about my acne, and that people don't look at me any differently and I'm grateful for that. I realized that for me to be able to do this I need to mentally be able to if that makes sense. Im doing better in the sense that I've come to accept my skin and understand that it's not perfect and that's okay. Sorry I forgot to add this entry until now but don't worry I'm still going. I'm probably gonna make this 2 week challenge longer and maybe just write in once a week or something. I have 6 days left I'm hoping to have a really good ending to the challenge!
So today was still really great, even though I did pick at some dry skin on my forehead and a tiny pimple on my chin, but I'm still happy about it! It's been hard trying to stay occupied and now I barely spend time in front of the mirror, but I'm managing! My skin is getting smoother on my cheeks and chin, which is a plus, and it's just taking longer with my forehead but I expected that. My skin since I am very white, like so white that it's pretty hard to find foundations and stuff, is always more red but I have noticed that getting better so yay! I see a pimple developing on my cheek, and I feel like it's a test. I am confident and I've been avoiding touching it and I will try very hard not to mess with it. I do notice some scarring and dark spots which do fade with the right serums and stuff so I'm not to worried, also can be oberes with colo correcting concealer I don't keep lathering on foundation. Things are going good, I'm still sticking to the same routine, other than adding a primer on before putting on make-up so I'm not filling my pores with foundation and concealer and other gunk. I'm gonna try to keep updating daily reading every other day we will see! Also thanks for the encouragement in the comments it means a lot and really does help!
Day 4 was great! I didn't pick AT ALL! I'm so proud of myself and I already see my skin getting smoother and less inflamed (duh). It was hard and I had to distract myself most of the day, but I am feeling confident and hope I can keep this up! I've been watching Jackie Aina on YouTube and Instagram and she has beautiful skin and she inspires me. I've been avoiding large mirrors and mirrors in general as much as I can. I'm still using that Kiehls Acne spot treatment and it seems to be working well with my cera ve face wash and cera ve moisturizer! I am planning on buying this toner from pixi because I heard that a toner is really good for your skin and I love trying new regiments! I am also buying more makeup but most of the things will help my skin breathe and I'm getting a primer so I'm not clogging my pores. I already have a primer from Lancôme but honestly I don't like it that much because I have dry skin and oily skin. Well I'm gonna keep updating. I'm confident
Day three was awful. I picked at everything. I stopped myself after a few blackheads and a pimple and then right after I showered I found a Bobby pin and got everything I could out. I'm so mad at myself and I know I'm not supposed to beat myself up about it but I am so disappointed in me. I feel awful and I know I won't be able to really cover this up tomorrow and I go back to school from winter break tomorrow. I'm not sure I can do this but I mean I'm still gonna try. Yeah I stood in front of my mirror and picked for like 15 minutes and I would've gone longer but I started crying because I was so upset. Ugh, this is probably not a good idea but I'm gonna keep going and hopefully get better. I never realized how much I really pick at my face. Like it's a NEED and I get antsy and get super anxious like I feel like I have to pick at something. I'm gonna try and go more extreme and start wearing gloves around my house and straight up avoiding mirrors. I thought today would be better. I mean I cleaned and cooked some food for breakfast in the morning and then bam I started to pick. I am currently looking for a therapist for other reasons but I'm gonna see if there is anything they would recommend to me.
So pretty much I didn't start great but it wasn't horrible. Long story short my great grandma was in the hospital and died, I was super stressed and did pick a little bit but I stopped myself before it got to far. That was day 1. Day 2 was much better I didn't pick really other than some dry skin because I left my moisturizer at home. My skin is already feeling better it's not as inflamed and I haven't worn makeup in 2 days so that feels nice, but I go back to school soon so I will be wearing makeup. Also I got a new acne treatment called KIEHL'S Blue herbal spot treatment! So I guess I will try and keep this updated!
So I'm not gonna lie, i just picked at everything from black heads to pimples all over my face for 20 minutes in front of my grandmas mirror. I know why I do it, I do deal with depression and tons of anxiety and being away from home stresses my out and I'm on my period which always makes me more stressed and causes me to break out a lot more. Super fun times. Im gonna start tomorrow so I hope I can do this because I know it will help my skin and I read somewhere that it takes about 2-3 weeks to break a habit, and picking at my face and honestly I did have really bad bacne but that cleared up but now I do have some acne on my chest that is also gonna be apart of this I guess. Well wish me luck I guess.