There really isn't too much to say. I picked a little bit on the 22nd, but it wasn't too bad, and I immediately put calomine lotion on my face and repeated that throughout the day. Today I want to peel the dry skin off my face soooooo badly, my fingers are itching to do it. But I can't and I won't because I start work again this evening, the first time in nine months. And I'm actually quite nervous, despite the fact that this is a job that I have been doing for almost two years. I will continue to do my routine: Morning and night face wash and moisturizer and Calomine lotio mask. I'll also post an update this evening, and a picture to show how things are healing.
Yesterday I drove to see my sister in Fredericton, and she was shocked to see my face. I was so stressed there that I picked a little bit at my nose. (I hate having red marks on the end of my nose and between my eyebrows, these bug me the most.) I ended up trusting my gut and driving home the same day. Ten hours in the car BLARGH! My legs and back are very sore today. When I got home I washed my face and put on a calomine mask. All I can this morning is .... I FUCKING LOVE CALOMINE!!!! I have NEVER seen my face heal so quickly and I feel so much better, the calomine mask and intensive moisturizer (vaseline brand) are working. I COULD FUCKING DANCE!! (You know if my legs didn't hurt and my foot wasn't fucking up ) While my skin is healing, my fingers are still trying to find something to pick and its taking all my effort to not pick, but I'm putting all my energy into not picking. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. I just have to keep telling myself that, and keep up with the moisturizing and calomine.
Things always seem to look up when you have chocolate in your lap. SO! I did a shit ton of damage to my face last night, and I got yelled at by my parents today when I went to visit for easter. I knew that that was coming. I am trying new things to help reduce the redness and speed up healing: Calomine lotion Vaseline Intensive skin repair We'll see how those work, and I'll let you know if anything is magical and fast acting. There isn't anything terribly interesting to put today, my face fucking HURTS, and my self-esteem took a major hit. As well, I am stressed out about my exam this evening, which I don't feel prepared for, and the five hour drive I have to do tomorrow. So, yeah. Busy, busy, busy, and very stressed. But I have to say that I am feeling kind of optimistic, I really think, and hope, that these new products will help and that I'll be able to heal without serious scarring. Wish me luck, and good luck on your own journey.
Sigh. I'm back. Again. I had a blog here before, however my picking has not gotten better, in fact, it has gotten worse, and now I have done so much damage to my face that it is starting scar. I fairly good skin, though I do get break outs from time to time, but that's not really the issue. It doesn't really matter what my skin is like because I will ATTACK it anyways. I have to say that it has definitely gotten worse since my accident in last august (2013). I cut my toes off with a lawnmower. (message if you want more details.) and while I was struggling with mild PTSD before I thought I was doing better, but since moving back into my apartment, and since the new year, things have only gotten worse. I have always used my fingers for picking, but recently I went through a phase where I used bobby pins (I had to find and throw out every. single. one. before I stopped using them, they were very damaging.) Then I saw a video where a woman was using a pair of tweezers, and since then I have been using my fingers in conjunction with tweezers. At the end of a picking session, lasting anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 1/2 hours, when I am angry, and despairing and feeling like complete I will usually chuck the tweezers across the room in hopes that I'll lose it and not be able to use to pick anymore. I always manage to find it. I take 27mg of Concerta a day to deal with ADD, and if I don't take these meds then I become a raging, INCREDIBLY angry, and aggressive person, but these also make my picking worse. It's like picking the lesser of two evils. And for the sake of my patient, and saintly boyfriend, I choose to take my meds daily. Which I know I should do anyways. Anyway, it's come to the point where my father literally got down on his knees and begged me to stop. But I just can't seem to. He even asked if I could just pick somewhere else, anywhere else, just not my face. I am waiting for a referral to go through to a psychiatrist to see if they can prescribe me SSRI's which are beneficial for obsessive compulsive disorders, and I have spoken to my GP about this. I picked yesterday and today, but before that I managed to go for almost a week without picking and my face was just beginning to heal. Help me. I need support, guidance, and methods of stopping this. I use a raw honey mask a couple times a week, and Melaleuca to try and stop the redness and help heal the scabs. I wash my face with neutragena cleanser and use the matching moisturizer daily.