So, as the title says I'm afraid of the future, afraid that this acne will never clear up. Even though I've been working so hard to clear it. I don't have any dairy products, no glutton and defiantly no sugar for almost a month now. I have done two liver purges, I take all the essential vitamins and I'm currently on antibiotics and probiotics for an ear infection but will hopefully help my acne too. My fear comes from the fact that my mom still breakouts at 46 years of age and to be honest I don't want that to be me. My dad on the other hand does everything wrong and has perfect skin. So intern my sister has nearly perfect skin with some breakouts and I have lump, huge breakouts all over my face. I currently never want to leave the house and have to force myself, in tears, to leave. I don't want this to be my whole life, I want to be able to go swimming, snorkeling and scuba diving again. I want to not have to ever wear make-up. How many girls say that? I literally, if I didn't have to, would never wear make-up, because even though my features aren't perfect I'm okay and can live with them. My bad skin on the other hand is the only thing I can't live with. I've started trying to mediate to just calm myself down and not worry so much. Acne, even though I know there's so many worse things in the world, is starting to ruin my life. Because my dream is to travel the world, write and basically live off a suitcase, do mission trips and just be at happy. I can't do any of that because of how bad my skin has gotten, so basically I fell like it's ruining my life and I just want all the hard work I'm doing to pay off. Honestly, I can live with some scars for the rest of my life and be okay, I just can't live with constant acne... I know this is long and I don't know if anyone will read, but I just needed to get that off my chest.
So I've had acne ever since I was twelve years old and now I'm seventeen. It started out relatively normal and manageable, but by the time I was in grade nine it exploded all across my forehead. Luckily I had bangs and was able to survive all that not too bad. For my high school life my acne has been somewhat manageable with breakouts hear and there and pretty much clear in the summers. This year though, my grade 12 year, it's exploded and ravaged my entire face and I'm struggling everyday to get out of bed and face the world. I miss my life and most of all my face, because when I wash my face every night taking of my pounds of make-up I barely recognize myself.