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January 2014

I remember when I was in 3rd grade I had a pimple and I remember my sister asking my mom "isn't she too young to get that?" Than by 5th grade my whole forehead was filled with them, people would always pick on me about it and tell me to wash my face, as if they had any idea. It hadn't really bothered me much at the time, I figured it was just a phase and it would go away as I got older, but I had no idea how much worse it would get. I'm almost 26 and dealing with the worst of it, I notice it gets worse during the winter months when it's cold outiside. But all in all, it's always there. Like I mentioned it started on my forehead than around age 20 it moved to my cheeks and now it's mostly on my chin, the horrendous thing about it is I ALWAYS have atleast 10 at a time under my skin, when one goes away, another one shows up, and usually accompanied by another scar. I've tried almost everything, from the fish oils, to the honey masks, I've tried proactive and Paula's choice, which both worked for a couple months, than stopped working. Ive spent money to go a dermatologist with hopes that she would be able to help, just to hear her say that acne is hereditary and there's nothing that anyone could do about it. I've tried changing my diet by cutting dairy and gluten out which is incredibly difficult. But even then it was still there. A lot of people tell my to try accutane, that scares me a lot, my cousin was on it and her skin got worse than got better, than got worse again, not to mention the mood swings and depression she fell in to, and the fact that she couldn't get pregnant after, and all of that just so it could come right back. I'm engaged to an amazing man who definitely looks past my acne, I wish I could be more confident for him but I feel that no body understands. If anyone else I know were to wake up with my skin problems, they would cry and not leave the house, but I guess since I had mine all my life I should just be used to it? Although I have come to the realization that it's just something that I will struggle with for most of my life, it's still saddens me to know that I will never be able to feel comfortable without makeup on and I'll never be able to feel what it's like to just have nice, smooth glowing skin.




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