Hullo Acne.org Community.
So today marks my (estimated) one week follow-up! Yay!
The dryness issue was getting pretty bad, especially around my temples, but adding the jojoba oil really helped both with the dryness and with applying makeup to cover up redness.
To be totally honest, my skin was looking better. I got stressed out yesterday after a fight with my boyfriend and picked my cheek a little bit, so there are a few more red spots now than there were. I'm sure dermatillomania is no stranger to the folks here. Usually I can keep mine under control (or at least off my face), but a big stressful event can trigger a major episode.
The left side of my face (which is usually clear for the most part) is completely clear. My forehead has cleared up quite a bit as well. My most severe spots, the right cheek and the chin, are still pretty bad. My chin in particular is just terrible. I'm trying to work out why that location is so hot right now. I don't touch it throughout the day and brush my teeth a lot (I heard oral hygiene can mess with the chin), but I still get a new pimple there every few days without fail.
I am extremely fair skinned, so my skin is pretty blotchy and red right now. It's really difficult to distinguish between active blemishes and scars. I was considering using an at-home Glycolic Acid peel next weekend to see if I can reduce the visibility of those just a bit.
I've been taking pictures every couple of days to document the progress (if any), but again, I still am too embarassed to post a picture of myself.
However, this past week was a big event for me. My school tuition includes a membership to a pretty nice on-campus gym, so I decided to bite the bullet and start working out on the elliptical before class/clinic every day. However, I know that working out with makeup on is a big no-no and not worth it. Unfortuantely, I am a grad student at a school full of very attractive (and wealthy!) undergrads who look like movie stars with no makeup on. Walking into the gym that first morning with a bare face was completely terrifying. The entire time I was convinced that everyone must just be thinking about how awful my acne looked or how grossed out they were by me.
Then, I went up to rent a lock from a student worker, anticipating his being totally revolted by me, and was completely taken aback when he was totally nice. In fact, everyone I interacted with was friendly. Nobody stopped and gawked at my skin - even after it was even more red and blotchy after working out. The entire experience forced me to recognize that obsessing over my skin and what other people think of it is selfish. It assumes the worst in people. It assumes that I am important enough for my skin's apperance to really matter to anyone else. IT DOESN'T!
I've gone a few more times since then and, not going to lie, I still feel uncomfortable going in with no makeup on, but it's getting easier. Maybe soon I'll work my way up to running errands bare-faced. I may just need to eat a little more humble pie, first. Mmmm.
Okay. That's all. I'll update in a few days!
So...I don't know how people even find these things or if anyone will read it, but whatever, here goes nothing.
My skin is currently just...revolting. It looks just terrible and makeup doesn't really go very far towards covering it up. Whatever coverage I do manage to get is usually completely gone by the end of the day. This has been going on for so long that I literally cannot even remember the last time I had clear skin. I can't even remember the last time I had under 20-30 red spots/pimples.
I've tried everything but Accutane. When I was thirteen and the breakouts started to really get bad, they tried putting me on tetracycline, but my body wasn't such a big fan and broke out in hives. Everywhere. The doctors said I'm most likely allergic to the whole "-cycline" family, which rules out the majority of oral medications.
They tried birth control pills after that, but those just made me insane and inflamed the acne even more. Which was awesome.
There really aren't a lot of options now besides Accutane, but I'm scared of it. I'm prone to depression (though that's in no small part because of my skin), and I've heard it can make that dramatically worse. I also am concerned about the dry skin, though honestly, how much worse could I possibly look? Not much.
I'll be twenty-five next month, and I am just unwilling to let this continue any longer. My thoughts are growing darker and darker whenever I look in a mirror, and its time to take action. Before I agree to go on Accutane, I want to give my skin one last ditch effort to get its act together and try Dan's regimen. I've used similar strategies in the past to no avail, but it seems worth giving it a shot before I risk destroying my liver with Accutane.
As of today, I have been using the regimen for a couple of days (about 3). My skin has been UNBELIEVABLY dry, but I'm hoping that the combination of jojoba oil (getting it tomorrow) and the increasingly humid weather will help with that. This is a particular concern since right now I'm only using a tiny amount in the evenings. I actually have more active pimples now than several days ago, but I know that's common when starting a new treatment (as we veterans of the acne wars all do), so it is obviously too early to judge.
At this moment I am way too embarassed to actually post any pictures showing my awful, awful skin. If I start to see any sign of improvement, I will post before/after, but it's just too hard right now.
Alright, well I know that this was probably just thrilling and you're desperate to hear more depressing acne blather, even writing about this is really difficult for me, and I'm going to wrap it up.
I'll try to update every couple of days with new info. In the mean time I'm going to get in touch with my insurance and figure out if they can help with the cost of Accutane. If not, time to start saving!
For anyone who actually took the time to read this...thank you. It helps to know that, even though I feel like a sore in world full of clear, pretty people, I'm not alone in this battle.
Till next time.
-Cleanse with Cetaphil (wait 5-10 minutes)
-Moisturize with Ponds Dry Skin Cream (wait 10-20 minutes)
-Foundation (Make Up For Ever), Concealer (L'Oreal True Match), Setting Powder (Make Up For Ever)
-Cleanse with Noxzema Cleansing Cream (to help with dryness)
-Clairisonic (every other day)
-1 pea sized amount of Dan's BP
-Moisturize with Ponds Dry Skin Cream