I developed average hormonal acne, mainly just T zone stuff that would probably have cured with a bit of persistence and a better skin care regimen at aged 14/15, for my 16th birthday (I'm 17 now) my aunty and uncle bought me a proactiv subscription, I started using it and it cleared it up, I really liked having clear skin. once my proactiv solutions ran out I developed horrible cystic acne like nothing I'd ever had, it's horrible and painful, I blame proactiv entirely, I finally after about 2 months of these unbelievable breakouts, I went to doctor to go on the pill hoping that it would help to settle down, my doctor took one look at me and told me he was putting me on accutane as well as the pill, I'm half way through my first prescription of accutane at 10mg and 20mg once a day. My face is so bad that I don't leave my house unless it is to see only my closest friends who love me with or without acne, my self confidence is through the floor, I hate having dry skin and having to apply blistex 50 thousand times a day, I've been using Aveeno ultra calming foaming cleanser twice a day. I've also found that accutane affects me psychologically, I'm suicidal most of the time, and I know that most of this is because of the accutane, even though life in general is totally pointless. I also believe that I may have (PCOS) but as this is hard to diagnose and cure I do not see the point of spending $200+ on an ovarian scan to find out. Sleeping has been one of my favourite pass times for years due to me intense hate of reality, however it is becoming much less enjoyable because of my face rubbing on the pillow and irritating my acne, I generally smoke weed to calm myself down and stop thinking about it, it also deminishes my anxiety and suicidal thoughts, though recently I lost my cell phone and haven't written down my dealers numbers anywhere, making even this incredibly hard to come by now. I'm at my limits here.
Also I'm going to the doctors today before he goes to Canada on holiday, to get blood tests/find out results of my last ones and touch base I guess.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Edit note; I've always had (undiagnosed) issues with anxiety.