So this will probably be the only entry to this blog, and I doubt anybody will read it, but it is about the day things changed (don't worry it's about a good change!) .
I've had acne for seven years.... & It all started when I was in grade seven. My parents had just split up with a seriously messy divorce, and my best friend decided I wasn't cool enough for her. I know, kid female drama doesn't really seem like a big deal... but when that one friend gets everybody else to turn on you when you're home life is at an all time low and you're discovering you have red marks all over you're face - things can begin to get a little rocky. Some of the girls would even push me down stairs, call me pizza face, and draw pictures of me on the board with specs on the face of the picture. Sometimes they would even get there little siblings to come up to me and ask me "Why do you have the chicken pocks ALL the time?" or "Whats on your face?". I'd come home and cry every night, about my parents living in separate homes, having acne, wondering why people were so mean. Until finally the dreadful grade seven was over and summer had arrived. Before the first week of grade eight, I had discovered the wonders of make-up! I came back with pounds upon pounds of it covering those zits. I was called a cake face, but it was better than the things I was called before. And hey, my orthodontist decided that I needed braces! yay, braces and acne. Then it was the middle of grade eight and I was finally starting to fit in a bit. All hell broke lose when I became anorexic and started to cut myself. I eventually stopped (beginning of grade ten) and still nobody knows...Im letting my guard down..this is the first time i've ever told anybody...Anyways Despite the fact that I'd still cry every night, my parents would call the cops on each other, my brother decided to live with my dad full time and ignore my mom and my acne was still flaring up, things were getting a bit better. Grade eight graduation had finally come around and I could NOT wait to get the heck outta there. I decided to go to a different high school then everybody else, to try and start fresh and leave the bullies behind me.
First day of high school was literally one of the scariest days of my life. I knew absolutely nobody, I was super self-conscious and I was shy. Lunch on the first day came around, and I sat alone for a bit. Until something hit me. I knew I had acne...I had braces...wasn't the prettiest chick...but I was going to stop self pitying and muster up some courage. I walked over to a group of girls and asked to sit with them. These girls are still my best friends to date. As I began to get the hang of grade nine and being new to high school, the peer pressure just began to eat away at me. Even with supporting friends, they just did not understand how my acne affected me. They had beautiful clear skin and were still stunning with out any make-up (not to mention I still had braces bringing my self-esteem down). I started having anxiety attacks every time I looked in the mirror, I got extremely depressed and loathed myself. But I hid all of this from the people at my school and my family, always putting a smile on my face - they wouldn't understand the physiological affects acne had on me anyway. Grade nine went by lighting fast and even though I had visited five dermatologists, tired every brand they suggested or every brand at shoppers, I EVEN TRIED ACCUPUNCTURE TO GET RID OF MY ACNE...IM TERRIFIED OF NEEDLES..(this is how desperate for a cure I was getting) My acne was still worse then ever. Over the summer before grade ten I tried not wearing any makeup, but still saw no results.
Grade ten began and my life was gradually getting better. I had helped save my friend from committing suicide, got her help, and became the therapist for my friends. Even though I was suicidal, nobody would know. I got through the year with my friends who were literally the nicest people on the planet. But I couldn't tell them how self-conscious I was..they were all beautiful with perfect lives and wouldn't understand. Eventually semester two was over and my zits were still there but the new year was on its way. I got my braces off for the beginning of semester two, and I could not have felt better. Despite my zits, I was still brace free. I then went to Italy over the march break, and realized how much more there was in there world besides high school. But when I came back there was still that self-doubt in my mind, telling me I would never be good enough. The spring before grade ten ended was when it changed.
I was driving in the car with my mom after a very bad day, and she pulled the car over. She looked at me and said "you're goona have a beautiful life". And it made me realize that I was only fifteen, It was only high school, I wasnt goona let acne destroy my life no matter how hard it tried. I was going to LIVE LIFE and appreciate it. I was going to live to the best of my ability.
Even though now, I still have acne (mild though, not as severe) I wake up, look at my acne, and say 'you have made me strong'.
All acne sufferers out there-
I KNOW how hard it is. But you are stronger than anybody else out there. You're acne will someday go away and you will be so unbelievably strong. you are so beautiful, inside and out. And your life is goona be so great, just go out there and grab it. Wether you have acne or not.