the stormclouds come and my face gets worse! I need to change my thinking to be more positive. I am tired of creating my own hell--obsess, pick, obsess...
The fact that I am on medications is no longer a solace--I am getting impatient but want to stick it out at all costs. I just wish i knew WHICH medication/product would be my magical potion. sick of trial & error...I WANT TO LIVE with zest and confidence...Not hiding behind makeup and hair in my face. Live out in the sunlight--not hiding away and squirming when people sit too close
Oh, wouldn't that just be lovely? :::sigh:::
To others, I am okay. I seem fine. People assume I have my shit together and I am content.
Personally, I am sad and losing hope that my skin will ever turn around...and it's a really shitty feeling.
My SKIN. MY FACE.
Why is this SO important to me to the extent that I would RATHER sit inside all day and sleep as much as possible. Avoiding my friends and family. Passing on picnics and parties. Avoiding daylight at all costs. Lying to my children to cover up why I dont want to go out, or take them swimming. Wathing television while I FEEL my life slipping away. I KNOW I am going to regret this isolation and inactiveness one day but I just can't free myself from over-obsessing about my skin. I even hide from my own family. I will make dinner and refuse to eat at the dinner table because I don't want them to have to face me. It sucks. THIS sucks.
My skin: super oily, scarred, marked, invaded by STUBBORN zits framing my face and covering my cheeks. Every day, no matter what I do a whitehead appears. If I have to go out, I cake on makeup and the worst part of the day is taking it off--then my acne looks bigger and angrier from the cleaning efforts and I imagine it is still in there intruding on my pores. The effort to be presentable is simply exhausting
What I am currently on:
Doxycycline 100 mg daily (for 6 weeks)
Aldactone 100 mg daily (50mg for 6 weeks, 100mg 2 weeks in)
Welbutrin 150 mg daily (for depression)
Xanax (as needed when I need to leave the house to converse with the public) Oy!
Vitamins: C, D, Zinc
*wash my face with gentle cleansing Cetaphil twice daily
Hello everyone! It finally happened...
I finally got the skin I *used* to shudder at the thought of---the kind of skin that made me thank my lucky stars that MY acne wasn't THAT BAD. . Yep...my entire face erupted in cystic acne and it is all thanks to microdermabrasion.
It all began in June when I foolishly sought laser resurfacing to get rid of all the post acne markings on my face. No--it didn't magically peel away my skin to reveal clear baby-like skin (like it was marketed to me) but it wrecked my complexion and made my skin really oily and broken out in places I never worried about. I was devastated and my skin Doc was disappointed that my skin was in bad shape so they threw a microdermabrasion session my way in July claiming g it would unclog my pores and get rid of the breakouts I was experiencing. HAH!!! The very next day, my acne multiplied and just got worse and worse. It's now August and I've been On 100 mg of Doxy and 50mg of Spirolactonane for one month. No improvements yet...in fact, I noticed worsening but I heard the first month can be brutal. (IT HAS SUCKED!) I just want to hide:(
Today I got a refill of 100mg of Doxy & bumped up to 100mg of Spiro. Wish me luck!
I finally received my Amazon shipment of natural skincare items and decided to put the oils to the test.
Background info: I (stupidly) resorted to laser treatment for surface imperfections and it made everything worse + broke me out like CRAZY! I haven't broken out this bad since I tried that evil Murad acne system almost ten years ago! Anyways, it's been a depressing few weeks as I watch my complexion get worse everyday. I decided to clear it naturally, after the OTC acne products aggravated my tender skin and left huge red blotches, more oiliness and dried out spots (I can't win!)
Last night I removed my makeup with Costco's organic EVOO. I rinsed and wiped excess then put the organic Coconut oil on a wet face. It felt really greasy. Then I rubbed in some organic cold-pressed castor oil. I trained myself to sleep on my back and this morning--many finicky blackheads are GONE, all the painful, red, bumps are fleeting and for once, my face doesn't hurt. It's the first morning in weeks since there was not some evil new eruption peaking on my skin.
I hope this works out for me in the long run. I feel like I am a dog chasing its own tail in my quest for healthy skin. It's so unfortunate how much damage OTC acne products done--the industry robbed me of good skin and I've been stuck in a vicious cycle or resorting to more hurtful products to fix the problems from the previous product. AH! I need this to work so that I can quit further damaging my skin and actually give it something healthy that has the potential to clear skin and help with anti-aging. :::crossing my fingers!:::
I can't believe I have been so foolish--of course my skin is not well--I have abused it with so many chemicals and made-made technologies. My skin is as bad as its ever been because I have been soley relying on creams, cleansers and finally a laser--which ravaged and damaged my complextion. I've been lazyy--desperate enough to look to the skin care industry to fix my face and hasty enough to buy into whatever they advertised as " breakthroughs". They were all empty promises driven by money. I am out of thousands of dollars and have gained bad skin. I literally paid good money for lousier skin! Realizing that really REALLY sucks!
I never decided to eat better or change my lifestyle--simplly--"give me a quick fix to make me pretty". And now I am wondering why I never get clear. DUH!
I have been researching natural skin care remedies lately and want to try them out. I also want to give up gluten and dairy and see if that will help. Tonight I bought a few things on amazon that I hope to try out over the next few months. I will repost my progress--or degresses here.
Castor Oil--I have been reading lots on the oil cleansing method and want to perfect my combination of oils
African black soap--( I tried this years ago and it worked well and left my skin super soft, but my skin is different now, if it is too harsh for my face, I will use it for dry skin on my knees & elbows
Indian Healing Clay--saw this on another member's post and googled it--it sounds promising and wasn't expensive
Hello universe I don't know how the heck to post topics or posts so I'll just lump it all here:
I have been thinking about my unhappiness about my skin and how many oppertunities I passed up because I was so self conscious of my complextion. When I think about that unlived life, I feel this awful pang of regret. I will be honest: my skin sucks, but I am more than my skin and the people who love and care about me didn't place any emphasis on my skin when they were deciding to love and care about me! In my head, I make my imperfect skin so much worse because I would actually think: "My life would be so much better if I had a clear complextion---because then I could be ME!" (why do we do that?) I put so much on hold, I passed up so many great trips, I cried over the bumps and marks made myself feel really crappy. And in the beginning--it was ONLY light post-acne marks and enlarged pores on my cheeks. BUT AFTER trying to FIX it with products and pills and lasers--is when it got worse and worse. It gets worse by obsessing. I have this cruel lighted makeup mirror with a 5X magnification side on it and that stupid mirror is what led me to the evil clutches of the beauty/skin industry. Here is what they did for my skin:
STRIDEX pads: this is my 1st forray into skincare. My mom bought them so I could wash the grime off my face and quickly treat a pimple. I didn't have "problem skin" but this was a kick start to giving me problem skin because it stripped my natural oil so much that my glands produced SO MUCH MORE OIL. From then on, I had really oily skin.
BP wash: Burned a lot. Made skin red, dry and cracked. I peeled so much even though my skin compatted it by producing more oil. This all led to more breakouts.
ACCUTANE: Oh my gosh--what a hassle! this stuff was momentary and effected so much more of my skin/body than ever before. To this day--10 years later--I STILL have bad chapped lips and eye sensitivity. It didn't fix the problem much but it did give me super sensitive skin.
MURAD ACNE COMPLEX--DESTROYED my skin over the course of a month. It was the worse product I ever used and the one that actually gave me scars and broke me out in places I never had problems with before. This stuff gave me the "bad" kind of acne that is painful and cyst-like. Since using this crap--I have always had a blemish on my face instead of just the occasional one. I have no idea what kind of madness this stuff is made of, but I truly regret ever touching the stuff.
I'm sure there are more, but IF I could do it all over again, I would have stuck to natural remedies and shattered that makeup mirror. We are just making ourselves sicker and sicker delving in this deceptive business of skin care. I want to stop buying into this and find natural solutions that will work for me and change my outlook on myself. I'm TRYING.
I am sitting here way too late into the night pouring over the same site I have come to years and years before. Just worried, and hopeless, and WISHFUL I could find a cure to this ailment that forces me into hiding from my own life--my marred complextion. It's sad how much time I have wasted being so dissatisfied with my skin and therfore unbelievably unhappy as a result.(not to mention the wasted money and agony!)
My skin only got this bad by trying "treatments" that inevitably made my skin a disaster. This product dried it so much, my skin got more oily, that one broke me out in places I never worried about before, etc, etc. I hate to admit, that I do obsess about my complextion and feel so bummed that I am not living 100% because I am so self-conscious of these imperfections. Really, There are worse things and I need the reminder every now and again when my reflection makes me want to cry.