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Fraxel update, 10 month mark. Also, botox.

Okay, so let me first say that I've been walking around without make up on for the last few months, something that I haven't done since I was about 12. Granted, I still have some little red marks, little break outs around the side of my mouth, and a couple of white heads on my fore head from time to time. I don't really care that much though. My skin hasn't been this good since I was about 13. It felt SO NICE to have been able to go swimming this summer - something I hadn't done in years due to the fact that I couldn't wear make up in the pool. My skin is so soft. I'm starting to be able to wake up in the morning and see myself in the mirror and say "hey, I'm actually really beautiful."; and I mean it too, deep down. I feel like me again. Even today at work, 2 of the regular customers (men) both told me that despite being thing, I have a pregnancy glow about me, I looked radiant. !!! I feel happy about my skin. Truly and Deeply. I feel so free. I don't ever wear foundation anymore - only a light brushing of mineral powder to help control the oiliness and shine. I am so relieved. This is ending isn't it? The years of horrible acne, the refusal to leave my house for days on end, the tears, the self-loathing, the isolation, the loneliness, it's all coming to an end. Finally. Fraxel saved me. I could cry right now. I'm ME again. On another note though: BOTOX. So, this last august I wasn't doing so well and was fairly self-destructive. over about 10 days, $600 went directly up my nose. I have a history with substance, so I decided that I needed to empty my bank account on something other than whitedeath. You can probably already tell that I'm impulsive. So I pass by a botox clinic and remember hearing something about botox helping in oil reduction. 3 days and $500 later my face was frozen. It didn't do much for oil production, BUT it did definitely help with sweating and break outs. I became much less self conscious of my forehead, and ergo was happier in my daily life. Granted I'm only 21 and don't really need botox... and I also had some adverse reactions to it, but knowing what I do now? I would do it again, definitely tweaking the dosage though. The 3 week long migraine (not exaggerating) and tri-weekly vomiting was terrible, but that's because I was given an amount of botox that was ludicrous. I'm 4 weeks into my injections and I'm pretty happy. There have also been studies that have shown that people prone to depression and anxiety can benefit from botox; because, they no longer have the ability to frown or flex the facial muscles that portray worry and sadness. I gotta say, I think that it's even helped me in those categories too. My anxiety (I have diagnosed long term PTSD and BPD), has improved. I'm no longer taking anti-anxiety medications. My doctors, while displeased that I got botox or cosmetic reasons, are VERY happy that I've fallen into the group of anxiety sufferers who've had good results. Life is wonderful!

perfectionista

perfectionista

09/13/2010

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