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I Hate Looking In The Mirror

I have an obsession with looking in the mirror. I like to lean in, so that I am really close, and stare at the skin on my face. I like to count every flaw. I always know how many active zits are on my face at one time. I know when I have a new zit coming in because I can feel it forming on my face. I have become so obessed with my acne that during the day, I can feel the tingle and itch from a new zits. It drives me crazy. I TRY not to think about my skin, but it so much easier said than done. As of late, I have not looked into the mirror and started crying. I used to do this about twice a week. It was putting a strain on my relationship with my fiance. A big one. I don't know why I don't do it anymore, but I don't. I feel better, but only look a little better. I guess it depends on the light. I worry about my acne alot. I used to be blemish free. I was one of those girls you see that literally has flawless skin. I had no idea how lucky I was. I got off birth control at 21 and 6 months later my face was out of control. My face was better at 21 than it is now, at 23. Makeup helps SO MUCH. There is a disadvantage to makeup, however. Once it comes off, you have to see your skin for what it truely is. I feel very artificial wearing makeup. I never used to, I didnt need it. The more face powder I put on, the more confidence I have. It is sad, really. My fiance and I met when I was 18 (the days of flawless skin). Now that I have developed moderately severe acne, he still claims that I am beautiful. This is something that I will never understand. When I look in the mirror, I see the exact opposite.




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