When I woke up for work today at 6 am..you bet the first thought that crossed my mind was "how the hell am i going to make myself presentable today?" Well. It was ok, I suppose. but i tried to hide in the back as much as i could. DOing dishes and stuff. I felt a sore spot on my cheek when i was at work and I couldn't wait to get home and investigate it and plan my attack. I also produced a nasty whitehead under my lip. and i poped both of them which escalated into squeezing all of them...I at least have 20 on my cheeks at the moment. that seems to be where they like to pop up these days. And along the jawline too. Which sucks, because that was probably one of the most appealing parts of my stupid ugly face. Ok. I hope my face is healed by friday night. I have to work and we are really busy Fridays. I know that i will not go out and do anything fun if my face is all f-ed up. And School is about to start...so i need to enjoy my time while i still can. Time NOT spent in front of the mirror picking. Is there a med I should b eon for these compulsions...I wonder..Or is my will power just Really sucky?? I cant wait to run out of the last of my proactive so I can try something new. I Need to get clear!!! I am a texture person people!!!I cant live like this! -ok. sorry if you read this. Like I said. I am doing this for me. and this is what i need to feel better about my flaws...than this it is.
WEll, hello again. I just love waking up so ashamed of myself.. Just look at my face! Just look at it...and then start picking at again....yup that's right. Picking is the first thing i did when I woke up this morning...OH GOd. Well it could hardly make it look much worse. I had to leave the house today to register my son for 2nd grade! The consealer helped but i still felt very embarrassed. I haven't done anything out side of my home all day. I feel bad for people that have to look at me!! I actually told a friend of mine about my picking problem. He said that he's never notice. I find that surprising. And now Im kind of worried that he will now that he knows. But maybe that will give me more incentive to stop. I was also wondering if maybe my picking escalates at a specific time of the month. Last month it was really bad during the first two weeks of the month. SO maybe I can remember that for september..I will be on vacation so that will be nice. Ok i washed my face for the night and applied all my ointment so my war wounds will hopefully heal faster. I need to avoid mirrors for the rest of the night!! wish me luck. me. ok. douchebag.
I don't know who even reads this crap, but i am mainly doing it for myself. I am so depressed and frustrated with myself because I can't stop picking at the pimples on m face. I have really went "Spartacus" on myself this time. It hurts really bad. It especially hurts to smile. I feel so ashamed and hideous. I wish i could sleep until it was healed up and I wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions. Time to buy some new concealer! I wish i didn't have to wear it at all! Why is my skin so awful these days? I am 29 years old..it has never been so bad. DAng. I feel like a big baby, but it has really got me down in the dumps. I want to be myself...not Quasimotto...lurking inside all summer long. WEll, like every other time i destroy my face with scrapes and squeezes ...leaving myself red and puffy and sore....I am proclaiming this as the LAST time!!!! I can't do this anymore. I need someone to support my exclamation. I have to put it in writing and document the process. Maybe it will give me a supplemental activity to engage in rather than my bathroom mirror habits. I HAte you FACE!!! I don't want to pick at you anymore!! WEll.now. let's see if this works. If you read this. Cheers and please, forgive my childish sufferings