Wow it's been ages since I wrote, it felt like just a few days but it's really not. I've been busy... and lazy.
â€œToo many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.â€
- Malcolm S. Forbes
That is so true today I'm trying to forget the the things that I'm not... Which is easy enough unless I look in a mirror.
I'm really quite depressed about the state of my skin at the moment, it's quite dry on the rest of my body and my eczema is coming up a little but my face is oily and spotty makes life really difficult. I think the IB is starting to go down now but it's that time of the month so I will be having a hormonal breakout as well which wont help.
I've booked my headshots for thursday I can't leave it any later I just hope I'm having a good day and I look alright on the pictures, it's not cheap and I don't want to have them done then as soon as my skin is better have to fork out for more. We'll see worrying wont help anything.
'skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests
Well I'm definitely having a storm at the moment, I wont be trying the gentle approach with my skin again. The day after I could just feel how much it needed to be exfoliated it was horrible.
The weekends are always hard work for me, lots of long nights and not much time off I barely sleep until Monday which wont be helping at all.
The pick count for the last two days is rather low I think I've only squeezed one whitehead and only picked a little although I have felt the urge to I have resisted in most cases.
My spot count is very very high though, higher than ever before I have some cystic bumps, a crop of whiteheads and hundreds of yet to mature little bumps. It's disgusting, I'm so self conscious even though other people have told me it's not as noticeable as I think... I do wonder sometimes if I'm being told the truth though.
I'm just really hoping that this is a sign that the B5 is working and hopefully it'll clear up soon.
Ha ha, I just read back the last post. No I did not finish cleaning my room, not even close.
My food is much better though am getting at least five a day and Saturdays are my super healthy days because I have a graze box for lunch if you haven't heard of graze google it, they are amazing you get a box full of healthy snacks sent to you (I get it sent to work) and it's really yummy. If anyone is interested I have a voucher code you can use to get a free box just message me or reply to this and I'll pass it on.
Do what you think you cannot do
There are lots of things I can't do, unfortunately most of them I can't just do because my inspirational quote for the day told me to. But I understand what it's getting at.
Today was my day off I had about eight hours sleep which is quite a luxury and my skin isn't too bad. Usually when I wake up it's not too bad but after I've been wearing make-up all the bumps come up but as I was off I didn't wear any which will definitely have helped.
I also didn't was my face properly today, I've been readying about how scrubbing too much when washing can make matters worse so I have washed my face three times today like normal but only with EVOO no cleansers or anything. Although that was probably a one off I think I might try it for a while to see if it helps, probably when I come to the end of the products I currently have.
I did the food shopping today and got some healthy stuff to eat so I can go back to getting my 5 a day, I also got some organic EVOO to go on my face I'll use the cheaper version for cooking. I never use sunflower or vegetable oil only olive and extra virgin when I can afford it, I think it's much better for you and it tastes nicer.
On the picking front I've been pretty good today I've popped one spot but it had a white head and I did it properly with clean hands and tissue, I have touched my face a little but not been squeezing the only thing I did do was picking off a scab on my right cheek.
I did majorly clean my flat except the bedroom, my Mum always used to say: 'Tidy room tidy mind' she thought if my room was tidy I'd be less stressed and sleep better. Both those things would probably help my skin so I intend to finish cleaning my room tomorrow and hopefully I wont still be up at 1am (That's what time it is in the UK now.)
I love Wednesdays they rule I work short shifts with only mild shows and tomorrow is my day off, although I really need to clean the house. It's kinda gross with a dodgy smell, getting peeved that my flat mate doesn't ever bother to help with the cleaning.
Happiness is the experience of loving life
Well I'm not happy or loving life, this country is falling apart around us and although I'm in what is currently considered a safe place who knows what could happen. As for my friends and family well the majority are in much more dangerous places so I'm constantly worrying and stress makes my spots worse and means I squeeze and pop them more.
I'm having a major break out it is the worst my skin has looked in a long time I think it must be the B5 I'm a week in and from what I've read it's prime IB time.
I'm feeling rather sorry for myself, I'm like one of those paintings which look nice from the distance but when you get up close and can see it properly you can see all the bumps and brush marks. It's been years since I had a boyfriend which is partly down to something terrible which made me afraid to be around men but now I think it's the acne. There are men who I like but I quickly realize they wouldn't ever be interested in me. I'm not an unattractive person... I used to do a small amount of modelling before all this but now well who knows.
I try to do things to distract from my skin like changing the colour of my hair really often, not sure it works though. I read somewhere that Katy Perry does bold eye make-up to distract from her acne. I do that too, she was advertising the clinique skincare I use but now she's fronting another brand. Hmmm that sends a message I may follow.
I've not eaten well today at all; no breakfast, crisps for mid morning snack, packet soup for lunch, smash and vegetable fingers for dinner and quite a few chocolate biscuits in between.
I've also picked today quite a bit, I thought about it but still did it. I suppose thinking is the first step lets see if I can progress from there.
Anyway sleep time, day off tomorrow should revive me a bit. Might get some more herbal anti-depressants if they're still on offer I'm really struggling to be positive right now.
So I got a little distracted with the riots in London as my older brother lives there and I have relatives working in the police there at the moment, tough times and disgusting crimes.
Quote for the day:
Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong. ~Peter T. Mcintyre
I'm having a break out at the moment I don't know if it's down to change with the EVOO or stress at work which I am having at the moment, or even just that it's been busy the last few days with more shows and really sweaty work.
I'm also tired it's almost my day off so I'm getting to the point of exhaustion - and also because it's almost my day off I'm low on fresh food I usually live on salad but not so much just now.
I've been a very bad girl with the touching the face and squeezing spots, I had two massive ones on my left cheek - for some reason the left is always worse than the right - and I just had to pop them they were too big and I worry that it's noticeable from stage, I know it's very noticeable close up. I almost cried today, we were doing the finishing touches before going on stage and I just felt so upset about my appearance I didn't appreciate clear skin when I had it and now I don't even remember what it's like.
I really need to get new head shots done (Photos) because I don't look even slightly like me old one mostly because I went blonde but I'm putting it off and off in the hope that I can at least improve my skin a little bit, For anyone who doesn't know a head shot is the picture you send to casting agents and producers when you are auditioning or hoping to get an audition.
Some days I despair... this was one of those days.
There are many theories around the phrase: 'if you believe you can achieve' but is it true? If I believe I can be acne free will I? The real question there is can I believe I can be acne free and the answer is no. I used to dream that I would wake up with clear skin but after the first few months I realized that wouldn't happen, now I can't even imagine myself without pimples. I think that may be a good place to start this fight.
I believe that confidence is one of the most important things a person can have, other people cannot put their confidence in you if you have none in yourself. Over confidence is not good but confidence is a very attractive quality in people and it will help you achieve your dreams, if you have the confidence to apply for that job then your already partway there. If you believe you can do it then everyone else will too.
I always have a confidence boosting quote to help me face the world with a smile on my face so today's quote for you is:
'Go out on a limb... that's where the fruit is.'
So here we are at day one of my blog. I've only recently started using B5 and EVOO so this will document my progress I am also trying to stop picking.
So what have I done today?
I dragged myself out of bed I think it was Edith Bowman on radio one who got me up I definitely didn't get my eight hours of beauty sleep last night. The first thing I have to do when I wake up is take my vitamins if i'm conscious enough to manage that I usually manage to not fall back to sleep. At the moment I'm taking a vitamin b complex, iron (as a veggie I have to watch my iron levels.) Vitamin E, and a vit c/zinc combination. This morning I also had a couple of pro plus yup that's how tired I was.
I am also using pantothenic acid (B5) I started with 5g per day on the 4th but am up to 10g a day now.
Then here comes my morning regimen:
1. Wash face in lukewarm water (because the boiler hasn't heated up yet) with avon microdermabrasion stuff - I forget what it's called.
2. Use Clinique anti-blemish cleansing foam very gently (It has antibacterial stuff in it)
3. After face has dried liberally apply antibiotic ointment (Unbranded tis shipped from America)
4. Let that soak in then apply make-up - During the day I wear mineral powder foundation which claims it doesn't clog pores I haven't been using it long though so we shall see.
Then I'm off to work (Yes I skipped breakfast I know tut tut), I have one job but it's in two parts: Day and Night day work has natural hair and make up and night work has more elaborate stage hair and make up.
I did have breakfast at work but not till about 11 and it was a fry up which is terrible but I could smell it cooking and couldn't resist and lunch was even worse: lucozade, relentless, cheese cake and sweets. I can't even have cheesecake I'm allergic to dairy or as my little brother says I'm a dairytard. Normally I'm proper healthy but I haven't been shopping and have like no vegetables, one of the other girls insists that we couldn't do our job if we didn't eat the junk and have the energy drinks but I think we can so I'm challenged to have no junk food or added sugar for a week and see if I can still perform as well, In my head I think I should be better slow release carbs from decent food are way better for you than a quick sweets fix but when all you need is a burst will I cope... I don't know it's worth a go and I'm trying to cut down sugar anyway I might manage it if it's a bet. Dinner wasn't really dinner today I wasn't all that hungry so had pate on toast and one square of dark chocolate with orange. I've just had another square of that now because it was really good.
Then here comes the afternoon regimen: because I have to change to a different type of make-up I go through cleansing again in the afternoon but with different products.
1. Remove make-up with EVOO (Only started this today though)
2. Wash face with Lush coal face - thats a face wash with charcoal in to help soak up excess oil.
3. (After face is dry) Clinique anti-blemish toner
4. Clinique even better clinical renew serum
5. Clinique even better clinical moisturizer
6. Evening make-up, this is liquid based and at the moment is clinique anti-blemish solutions not sure it's much different to the normal one though.
Looking back I did not eat a lot today, I normally have a fourth meal when I get in from work but it was very late tonight and my bed was more enticing, I'm having a be fruity fruit bar what ever one of those is though. It's one of my five a day so it can't be a bad thing.
Once I get home in the evening or more likely early hours of the next morning I have yet another regimen:
1. Remove make-up with EVOO
2. Exfoliate with Clinique scrub - I'm not sure what it's called but it's the one which smells of mint.
3. Wash face gently with Clinique anti blemish foam.
4. Once face is dry apply topical vitamin A
Somewhere in between all this I read the article on here about popping your spots and have been resisting as hard as I can, I almost did it when I looked in the mirror before washing my face but managed not to and twice touched my face and went to squeeze but didn't so yay major good start there.
I'm not in work until twelve tomorrow but it's definitely sleep time now good night I'll tell you more tomorrow. xx