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ugh i relapsed today

I feel terrible, i've had acne for about 7 years now and i've always had a problem with skin picking. i would literally pick away at my acne until it looked like someone had taken a cigarette and burned holes in my face. I couldnt understand why i had such an urge to make matters worse for myself...what was wrong with me:"(. I looked it up and it is most likely stress induced, everytime life was getting hard i would go to the mirror and pick away. The scarier part is that sometimes I'll do it and i begin to lose myself...ill go to the bathroom just to wash my hands and come out of there a suprising 3 hours later!!!! i feel like i have no self control and i feel so ashamed of myself afterwards. For awhile now i was actually doing pretty good, I was no longer using any harsh acne products like bp because i really could not stand to walk around with my face looking like a lobster and having to lie to people and tell them i got sunburnt, all i was using was cetaphil cleanser....i still had acne but atleast my face didnt sting and burn. However i always remembered that my freshmen year i managed to have nearly perfect skin(this was a miracle because it was terrible cystic acne in the 7th and 8th grade) i was using oxy face pads and spot treating with bp. Some how or another i got too used to my clear skin and got lazy and stopped using it....broke out terribly i tried to use the oxy pads again but my face would get red because i was sooo anxious to get that good skin back that i was slathering all kinds of junk on my face and it made things worse. But i do know what gave me the awsome skin...it was the bha that salycilic acid provided me. So i decided to go with a bha lotion from bare escentuals because it doesnt contain harsh alcohol like oxy pads. Also i originally wanted to get paula's choice but my parents are fed up with having to pay for all kind of acne products that they sort have given up on me:"( so my friend who works at bare minerals gave me this for free( i checked the rest of the ingredients and they were all safe). but now my face is breaking out like crazy!! i have bumps everywhere places where i dont even usually get that much acne:(. then i heard bha has a purging period where it getss all the junk out of your pores. i know some of you out there are skeptical about this claim but i think it does make some sense. i noticed all the whiteheads i had are becoming full blown zits but the bha is probably just speeding up the process. i know bha has worked on me before and it got me completely clear. i want that again but i dont know if i can cope with the purging period. i have literally locked myself in my room for a week now and things are only getting worse. I have controlled myself to not pick at my skin up until today....there were just soo many whiteheads popping out of my face that i couldnt bare to look at them anymore......so now my face looks all red and scared up:( ugh i dont know how im going to get through the next couple of weeks. i went out yesterday because i just couldnt stand to be inthe house anymore...but when i went out peopl were making remarks about my face and i just wanted to drop dead:(. if anyone can relate please comment or give me feedback it would really help.

helena870

helena870

06/16/2011

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