I was thinking today what I'd do without makeup and I couldn't imagine not being able to cover the redness of my blemishes. I don't think its true that acne is worse for girls than guys because of the whole 'importance of perfection' idea. I read somewhere on a message board the other day about a guy who felt so down about his acne that he couldn't go to classes anymore. I can really relate to this and if any guys are reading this then I'd just like to say that when I see a guy with skin problems, I don't look at the acne and think ew. I don't think any normal girls do. We get this reputation for turning down guys with acne but most of us just don't give a crap about the state of your skin.
I dated someone who had bad acne and I can honestly say I wouldn't have found him any better looking than he already was even if his skin was perfect.
Sorry for the rant but a friend of mine told me today that he thought girls would reject him because of his skin, and anyone reading this I'm sure the girls will agree with me- most of us aren't looking for a flawless guy, because let's face it, none of us like to feel imperfect in comparison.
Today I decided to try and simplify my skin routine. I get a lot of small pimples just to the left and the right of my nose and I've realised I get these small pimples when I dry out my skin too much or irritate it by over scrubbing and picking.
I complain so much to myself how there's nothing I can do to improve my skin but infact there is, it just involves giving up some bad habits. This means picking, scratching, rubbing and over washing it- all habits I've grown too comfortable with.
So anyway, as of today (damn, now its in writing), I'm just going to leave my skin alone. My routine will be to wash gently and pat dry my face, and definitely not pick scabs or dry skin. Sadly BP doesn't work on my skin, it just brings me out in a dry rash of lots of little pimples so I won't treat any new pimples with a topical cream.
If anyone's reading this I could really use some tips on how I can stop picking, anyone whose managed to stop or even if you're trying to do the same thing as me.
I've been worrying for a while now how my life will change next month. I got accepted into university and I am soo excited to be leaving home and starting a new life. I should be more excited though but I worry about what will happen when I have a bad skin day and just don't want to face the world. I'm moving from the comfort of my home where I could hide away for a while when my confidence hits a low because of my skin.
So I've thought a lot about this and I've realised that there's no use in worrying about it because as quickly as my new situation will come, so will my adaptation to that new environment. What I mean is that I will cope because I have no choice but to cope. Sure there will be days when I just won't want to get out of bed and go to my classes but I'll deal with thay because I won't let my future be damaged by some pimples.
In other news, my skin's been recovering from last weeks breakout (yes caused by my picking) these past few days, and last night I had the house to myself. I know most normal teenagers would have a house party or invite people over and enjoy it. I, however, just wanted to curl up in a blanket with no makeup and watch a movie. After an hour or so of doing this I got up and put some makeup on and told myself that 'screw it, my skin is nowhere near bad enough to make me act like I'm in a nursing home', so I called a guy I've been seeing over and we had a great night watching movies.
Pointless story maybe but I hope that some of you will relate to some of my issues, it helps for me to remember that I am in no way alone with the problems I am facing.
My acne is a problem, of course, but I've realised my main issue is the recovery between my outbreaks because of my excessive blemish picking. I don't get cysts and all my pimples are relatively small with whiteheads so I'm able to squeeze them. The problem though is that my skin scabs really easily and I keep picking at that small scab to try and make it look flatter and easier to cover. What happens then is that the scab just gets reallly big and damaged and takes about a week and a half to fade. I don't know what to do. I say every morning that I won't pick today but then I see the dry skin and scabs and just think 'I'll just make it look a bit better'. By the time those scabs fade I only have a week or less before it starts again. I know I'm creating my own problems here but I just can't stop!
I'm 19 now and I've had mild to moderate acne since I first turned 16. Shouldn't it be ending now!? I'm also on a new antibiotic called erythroped (a form of erythromycin) and have been om it for 7 weeks now and there's been practically no change to the appearance of my skin! I am just so frustrated with my skin and with myself.
I'm not actually sure anyone is reading my blogs but there is something i want to talk about today and that's dry skin.
I used to have bad forehead acne but that was the only place i ever got it. Recently, after taking yasmin bcp, i have broken out everrywhere. The thing is that i really dont think it's acne, i mean it looks more like a rash. My skin is SO dry since yasmin and i've found that when i get dry skin I also get a lot of little itchy whiteheads in those areas. They clear when my skin is moisturized but then sometimes out of the blue they just come back. Sure i get my fair share of some pimples but my main problem is these whiteheads. If anyone is reading this who knows anything about severe dry skin and what this problem is then PLEASE contact me. I almost find myself wishing that i had normal pimples so that i could get some medicine for it but it seems like the ones I have just make my face angrier and dryer.
I'm trying to clear an outbreak of them right now and its sad because i graduated on thursday and everyone is going out to celebrate tomorrow night and once again i think i'll have to sit alone at home instead because my face is waaay too bad to go out without makeup but if i put it on it just looks even worse. I'm just tired now, tired of being forced into hibernation by my stupid skin!
I hate how some days everything is looking up, marks are fading and i've gone a whole day without a serious new pimple, and then just like that i'm back to square one.
Okay so my acne isn't at all the worst its ever been right now, mainly because antibiotic lotions are keeping it in line, but today i have these huuge red marks on my chin from where i've gotten frustrated and picked off scabs. I know it's wrong to pick but i always think- would i prefer for the scab to be obvious for a few days but heal quickly, or be picked so that i can hide it under makeup. Unfortunately i pretty much always choose the look okay with makeup option. My fault completely then that i'm now sat here with blobs of cream covering my marks in desperate hope that they'll have faded a little by tomorrow.
I'm getting seriously tired though of having to postpone or cancel plans because of my skin. I just want the day where someone could ask me to have a drink with them or something and i won't have to run to the mirror to see if my acne will let me. I live in fear of the itchy tingling feeling on my face that tells me i'm yet another pimple away from being the happy, fun girl that i know i could be.
The worst part is that i was signed to a modelling agency a while back when my skin was nice, but these days i fear that i'll get a call asking me to do a job which i have to decline because my face is in no state to be seen infront of a camera. It makes me sad because of all the girls out there who would love the chance to get a career chance like that, i am forced to reject it because of something out of my control.
But still, i wont give up. Until i see the morning when i dont have to hide my face with concealer before even being able to go down for breakfast with my family, when i can lie in someone's arms at night and not worry about them seeing my real face in the morning, and when acne is not my first thought in the morning, last thought at night, and everything in between.
I'm one of those people who changes their routine around if i don't see immediate improvement. So last week i decided to actually stick to one and give it time to work, even if it gets worse before better.
My doctor has prescribed me Panoxyl 5% (which is pretty much just benzoyl peroxide) and i have just started using it. The first few days my face felt so sore and red and of course i had insane amounts of flaking and peeling on my face. My skin has always been veryyy dry so i had a feeling that this would happen. I nearly stopped it because i couldn't cover the flaking with makeup, and even oil and moisturizers didnt work. But i just reduced the amount and now i no longer have the redness, but i am still dealing with flaking skin but mainly last thing at night and when i wake up in the mornings.
I'm having a good day today and i can see an improvement in the pimples that kept appearing on my skin and just to the right of my nose, and my biggest issue now is getting rid of the red marks left from my Yasmin breakouts. I still get a few (although much less than a few weeks ago) tiny little white pustules, and i really cant figure out what they are. They itch a little but they go away as soon as they are popped. I wish i knew what was causing them, maybe irritation from having such dry skin? If anyone reads this and has/knows about this then please let me know because i'd like to find a way to stop them.
So i've never written about my acne before, i kind of go by 'if i ignore it, it'll go away'. Well i don't think that's working for me so I have decided to do something about it.
Just to explain my situation quickly- My skin started to break out when i turned 16 and my forehead turned into a warzone for a year until I got fed up and went to my doctor who prescribed a lotion called Zineryt solution. It worked nicely for a year but then i guess i became immune to it. My acne was mild when i asked my doctor to give me some antibiotics to keep my skin looking normal, and so she prescribed me oxytetracycline tablets. I don't think they did very much but they didn't make anything worse so i stuck it out for maybe 5 or so months.
That was all a while ago and i would give anything to get my skin back to how it was then (even though it didnt seem perfect at the time). About 7 weeks ago I went on the birth control pill Yasmin to see if i saw a better effect on my skin than the oxytetracycline was having. Towards the end of my first pack my face exploded with small itchy pustules all around my cheeks and jaw and even my neck (i have never broken out there before). So i stopped them straight away in hope that my skin would just go back to normal. All these weeks later and it still hasnt. I get large pimples on my chin and cheeks which turn to big scabs that i peel off and then become re-infected.
In my blog entries i'm hoping to keep track of the changes in my skin and try to find a method that will work for me so that i can have my life back. I could become a dermatologist with all the reading i've done about acne so hopefully i'll be able to work out a way to be comfortable in my own skin again.