I need to get this off my chest.
I swear I have just lost it mentally and emotionally.
I have had 2 friends comment on how my skin is improving, however I just feel like its getting worse. I have got obsessed, to the point I have barely been able to leave my house and I check my face ever 5 minutes.
Pores that are clogged I attack, that you can't even see or notice and I feel like my pre acne days I probably would have never noticed. But now I do. And I just get so depressed over every imperfection. Its taking over my life, this complete madness to do with my skin. I added up how much I have spent, its over Â£400, and I am going to a cosmetic dermatologist this friday which will cost me a fortune. But I just feel desperate to get my skin back, my confidence has gone completely. I can't even see friends of family as I feel so small and pathetic with my acne. So if it causes me debt, I feel it is worth it. Throughout my anorexia I was always very happy with my skin, it was the one thing that I liked about myself. Now I feel like I have nothing.
And it has impacted my eating disorder a great deal, and I truely think I would be nearly recovered by now if I didn't have acne. It has caused me an intense fear of food, due to its supposed correlation with acne. I have been reduced to tears every meal time, and I bought a salad today and I just had the biggest panic attack because it had mayo. And to think I had just begun to enjoy cake- something I haven't been able to do since I was 8- which is major, and it was stolen from me and put me 10 steps back because of a stupid skin condition.
Its got pretty bad and I've lost quite a bit of weight and the doctors are threatening inpatient if it continues and have told me to cancel my travelling plans this monday.
I feel like acne has impacted my life in every way, it really is soul destroying and something no one else can understand.
I honestly feel hopeless and equally selfish for letting this effect me.
I am not dying. I am alive. I am going travelling. Doing a PhD. I have great friends and family.
But still I feel like giving up, curling up in bed and disappearing.
This worked for about a week, but then my skin has just started breaking out LOADS. As in lots of little pimples that are under the surfaces and some larger more painful ones too.
I have had to result to harsher treatment, and have added in another bp for the morning. I think this is partly because I have exams at the moment and I have had a traumatic few weeks emotionally.
Will keep updated about the progress with quinoderm. I do find the foaming cleanser good however, it it doesn't irritate my skin and is very gentle.
So my skin is looking healthier, I have one active spot today that is large and inflamed but thats generally my fault.
my pores are refined and my skin isn't as dry as usual. I can actually put make-up on without it looking powdery and horrible.
So I am starting a brand new regime, and want to document my success and failures with it.
Its so I can personally account for what worked and what didn't, and to help anyone else if they are interested in any of the products.
It is as follows
Wash face with Dr Lowes purifying foaming cleanser.
I wash my face with it for 10 seconds, and wash off.
Then I lather it on again, leave it for 20 seconds, and rinse off.
I then apply 'Perfect skin acne cure' and let it air dry.
5 minutes later I apply clarins pore minimising serum. let it dry.
Then I apply vichs concentrated cream for break outs on any active blemishes.
If I need moisturiser I use Clean and Clear dual action.
I do the same as above, but instead of applying vichs I apply Duac Once Daily.
I take dianette, pantothen, evening primrose oil, and 4 psyllium husks in the morning.
I am avoiding dairy/soy/refined carbs. I am living a healthy life but trying to eat things that are as close to the earth as possible and are natural. I have found that my acne is not diet related, as this is how I have always lived. I also drink ALOT of green tea and lots of water.
DAY 1:I had a big break out yesterday. Today they are less inflamed and less red, and also my skin is much softer after one day of not using BP excessively both am and pm.