Im back at uni for my last year fingers crossed. University life has overall been terrible for me mainly because ive done so poor in my subjects. This will be the hardest year i will face and i've gotta face up to the challenge otherwise it could be an extra semester after this year. I dont even want to think about it.
Anyway i wanna stop coming on here because its such a time waster and ive gotta knuckle down with my studies.
Well first of all ill mention im pretty pissed off cause i got rejected from getting into this club tonight so its about 10.30pm and im back at home pretty early. Apparently my 'sport shoes' weren't allowed after 6pm. I was wearing Air Force Ones FFS, its not like they were runners. Well at least they were consistent about it and did the same to a bunch of other guys. One girl from my group who already got let in tried to help me get back in because usually if your with a chick theres a better chance of getting in. But to no avail, same shit happened, didn't get let in. I didn't organise to meet up at this place it was some other dude, the place is kinda high class...ugh.
Anyway whats really been on my mind is the girl that i gave my number to on valentines day hasn't called. Usually i dont get too wound up if i get rejected but, i dunno, theres just something about this girl thats different. Its hard to pin point. Anyway today i felt a bit down that i wasn't gonna get the call and i was just reviving the moment i gave her the rose and maybe, i could have phrased my words differently? Hopefully i'll get over it soon and quick...Did i mention whenever this song is played here on the radio http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TLCkIGV2mw, it will remind me of her lol.
I quit my job Tuesday btw. Im going all out to complete my degree this year and i dont want to get to distracted from my studies by working or playing soccer. It wasnt too long ago that i was juggling a job, representative soccer and university lol no wonder i went so bad in my studies. Now all im doing is just full time university...thats it, pretty pathetic. I suck....
btw if anyones reading this i appreciate you taking the time to do so lol. Feel free to comment haha.
So its valentines day today and i had a special gift for that special someone in mind.
I have a thing for this girl i deliver mail to every morning and i bought a rose for her. I gave it to her and she was blushing big time. I told her exactly how i felt since i really liked her and she was speechless. I gave her my number on a small strip of paper and now i just have to wait for her call, thats if she does call.
I hope she doesn't play games with me as in calling me 2 or 3 days after, i hate that.
I still dont know what to make of her blushing, either she felt uncomfortable or if she felt warm inside because of the rose.
If she doesn't end up calling ill just try and take this in my stride. Maybe she doesn't think im good looking enough for her? Meh...looks havent ever been important to me im honestly probably a 5/10 so i've dealt with life the way i am, no biggie. Some people put massive importance on their looks even though looks fade but personality stays....
Ok im done..
Im feeling the lowest of lows right now and it mainly because of my situation at university-im a failure.
Although its been a week since i received my extremely disappointing assessment results there are still times when waves of guilt and regret sink in. Im having trouble overcoming these feelings, sure there are some days when i feel normal which is great but then theres other days where i wake up and all i think to myself is how the fuck did i get into this situation? Why haven't i got any internship yet? What will next year hold for me? I used to be a good student and i had things going for me. Its not like i still dont study my ass off so why isn't this hard work paying off ffs.
I know my mum can tell something isn't right so she recommended i see a councilor but i told her i dont need one im fine. Im good at not showing my emotions but i got to give credit to mum she sees through it and i can tell shes worried. And my dad...well what can i say? I can can see through him and i know hes massively disappointed in me, but he did offer me words of encouragement after my results came out. I know hes worried about me as well because i have a sneaking suspicion hes talked a lot behind my back to my mum on a number of occasions.
I've considered myself as someone mentally strong and not one person could break me or my spirit. But its taken an institution to crush me..... I have tears running down my face as im typing this and its hard to take, but im blogging this for a reason. When i've graduated and well into my professional life I wanna look back and read this and know i've overcome some of the darkest days ive faced ever faced mentally. If i manage to graduate by next year i dont know if ill want to go to my own graduation because of the mental scars university has brought me but also the embarrassment of finishing so late.
In other news i've found an awesome song by an aussie band called- 'The Jezabels' its titled 'Mace spray'. And well it sums up my emotions,check it out......
This is what music is suppose to sound like and played with passion. It beats the shit thats played on the mainstream stations a million times over.
For anyone that has given the time to read this
Looks like the black eyed peas crap new song 'the time'- a rip off of the 80's hit i've had the time of my life, is number 1 here in Australia.
That song is f'n aweful, thats a second 80's song 'Will I am' has ruined, the first being video killed the radio star.
Im pretty passionate about music from the 80's, and when a band from today covers a song from that decade it better not do the song a disservice. Unfortunately it has..
Nothing to do with acne but just hating where I am atm.
Uni sucks I just wanna get the f'k out. My good mates got a gf now so I can't hit the town on Saturday nights and get up to shenanigans. He spends his weekends banging her lol, good for him I guess and it would explain why he doesn't answer his phone hehe...
The only thing I enjoy doing is going running, soccer or hitting the gym not only does it relieve stress it just lets me escape....