After about four months or so, I've ended accutane with 20mg being my highest dose. It has tamed the acne and even if I do get any now, it's not as bad. I couldn't bear with it anymore because it would make me irritable. My scar at the end of my nose is still there but I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Maybe I'll get another chemical peel after my skin isn't so sensitive from accutane but I think there isn't much I can do about the scar. I feel I've at least tried to get the acne under control.
I've increased the accutane to 20mg a day. I notice that my skin has gotten a little more sensitive. I was doing threading instead of waxing but my dermatologist said it would be okay to wax. He was wrong. I did my eyebrows and it turned red and started to flake off. I guess I'll have to do threading instead. My skin isn't really dry but my lips flake off a little bit. When I initially started the accutane I felt a little off and agitated but it went away after a while. My depression hasn't got worse because of the accutane. I still get acne but it seems to be settling down a little bit more. The scar on the tip of my nose has good days and bad days but the general trend is that it is getting better so I'm trying to stay positive. Light at the end of the tunnel. If you're struggling with acne, there is hope. Some acne scars actually heal over time. It's hard to be patient sometimes and maybe we see our flaws much more magnified then other people. In school, I know people in my class that have acne scars and they are the most confident people. Outgoing and always laughing. It's inspiring to me. There was someone I know who has acne scars blurted out spontaneously: "I love myself". That has stayed with me and is making me love myself as well.
I saw my dermatologist yesterday. He told me that if I wanted to increase it, I could do one day 10mg and the next day 20mg and then 10mg again..etc. He doesn't mind going slowly. The max dosage would be about 60mg for me. I have dry skin, dry lips and stiffness in my right wrist that makes it want to bend forward towards my wrist. Weird. That's basically it.
Emotionally, it has been steady and nothing I can't handle. I've noticed dry skin and dry lips but my acne hasn't got any better or worse. I'm seeing my dermatologist on the 21st of April and we're probably going to increase the medication. The dry skin and lips is what I can live with. I just hope that I don't get too anxious with anxiety or emotionally unsettled with an increase that I can't handle taking it.
The uneasiness wasn't so bad today. My skin is starting to flake. A little bit after I took my accutane today, I noticed a burning, itching sensation on my skin. I'm postponing my naturopath visit because I feel it may do more harm than good right now. Aside from the pimples/cysts I get, I have a lot of clogged pores. I wonder what it'll look like when all the stuff starts coming out. So far I haven't seen much of a change in my acne.
I still feel anxiety. Sometimes I feel unstable. I think my anti-depressant medication is now too high. I have to reduce it even more. It's to address the rapid shift in my mood. I'm still sensitive to sugar and caffeine. I'm looking into methods of controlling this uneasiness that I feel. I know essential fatty acids have a calming effect on me so I'll be doing that. I'm seeing a naturopath soon but I have to be really careful and if things still don't fall into place, I'm seeing a doctor to find a way to reduce the symptoms. Unless I flat out get so sick I can't even function, I want to go through with this. I still have yet to see any real changes in my skin. I just need to be calm and patient.
Although accutane doesn't substitute an anti-depressant it isn't making my depression worse. I think in a way it's making it a little better because I know I'm doing something for my skin. Yesterday I had a little morning anxiety but today I felt fine. I think my body is adjusting to the medication thankfully but I still notice a sensitivity to sugar. I can handle coffee a little better. I don't feel edgy. My cold is also getting better and I'm feeling better. I had a little bit of a headache that I took some advil for. I also noticed slightly drier skin on my face. I have acne on my back, chest and face. It's too soon to see any improvement but I'm happy I made it through a week
I woke up feeling anxious but it went away. Otherwise, today was a better for me. I've just got a cold and I've been sneezing, coughing and blowing my nose all the time. I've got headaches too but I think it's from the cold. Great timing . It seems like after the initial dose, the side effects have improved. I'm hoping that any future side effects that I do have will be bearable so I can take accutane. Every time I down a pill I think about what kind of damage I could potentially be doing to myself but then I think about the psychological healing I can have if I cure my acne and it solidifies my resolve. Five pills down, many more hopefully to go.
I woke up feeling angry for no reason. It went away but on and off I've felt on edge. Sometimes unstable even. I discussed this with my doctor and he told me to stay on it for about a week or so and if nothing changes, to get off the accutane. I have headaches too. I feel worn out. That may also be because I caught a cold about the same time I started taking the accutane but the mood changes are without a doubt because of the accutane. I haven't noticed any changes to my skin yet. If this doesn't work, I'm going to a naturopath to see if I can treat it the natural way. Diet, exercise, vitamins...etc. I've had to pretty much give up coffee and sweets have to be kept to a minimum. The med doesn't seem to agree with a lot of things. I hope this works out.
I'm having a better morning. I've noticed that accutane seems to interact with my anti-depressants, b-complex and I'm more sensitive to sugar so I think I'm stopping the vitamins, decreasing one of my anti-depressants, reducing sugar and take accutane separate with any medications. I feel less depressed so I want to make sure I'm not taking too many meds that'll make me sick. I tend to react to medication quite rapidly and I have to respond to it as it comes. If I get depressed I'll up my med again. I really want to take accutane and I'm willing to change the way I do things to accomplish that. I would even resort to taking an anti-anxiety med to counteract any anxiety that I get from accutane. The psychological impact is greater than the setbacks that might be given. I'm taking the accutane today at around 4pm. I hope it's enough to make it bearable.
I've been getting a little agitated and anxiety. I've felt on edge so I'm taking the accutane a little later on in the day to see if that makes a difference. I hope the agitation doesn't get worse because I really want to go ahead and take the accutane. I woke up earlier than usual again today. I'm not depressed but I'm edgy.
One of my major concerns about accutane was depression but so far what I've noticed is that I'm less depressed. I don't know if it's because I'm just relieved I'm doing something that could clear my acne for good or the accutane is actually making my depression better. I did get a little mad from a phone call today and I couldn't shake it off for a while but I don't think the aggressive feelings were because of accutane. I slept less than usual too but it might have been coincidence. Other than that no side effects. The tingling of my face went away. Maybe it's just all in my head.
So I've taken the accutane. Actually it's the generic form of accutane called Clarus and I'm starting at a very low dose of 10mg. It's been two hours since I took it and so far the only thing I've felt is a tingling, burning, itchy sensation on my skin. Particularly on my face. But if this is one of the only side-effects I'm going to get, I can live with that. I just hope it doesn't thin my hair...
I've decided. I'm taking accutane. Why the title of my blog is acne scar on tip of nose/accutane is because the acne scar on the tip of my nose was a turning point. Everyone has something in their life that represents a turning point for them. The acne scar on my nose symbolizes everything wrong with my life and my longing to turn it all around. It represents the lowest point in my life too. I know there is no better chance at getting this acne problem under control than accutane and I'm willing to take the risk. This afternoon I'll be taking my first dose and to be honest, instead of feeling anxious about it I just feel a sense of relief.
I really want to believe that something natural will be the ultimate solution to my acne issues but how likely would I stumble across a natural cure and if so will it last and how long would it take to find it before it's too late and the damage is done? I'm looking for results but at what cost? Am I ready to subject myself to accutane? My mother has succumbed to the idea and my boyfriend wants me to give the natural remedies a try. I'm torn. I want to do what's best. I don't want anymore acne scarring. I think about the emotional toll this has taken. I have the accutane medication and I can take it tomorrow if I'd like. I'm going to ask God for guidance even though maybe some don't even believe in the concept. To a certain degree I do. I need healing and closure to this chapter in my life and I hope it's not at the cost of my health. The only other option would be something natural. I've tried Diane 35 which helped the acne but came right back when I stopped it and minocycline which did absolutely nothing for me. With that, how could I possibly think something natural can cure me when not even an antibiotic which is much more aggressive failed? I don't know if I can postpone this any longer. By tomorrow I'll have decided.
My depression has persisted so I felt I should postpone the accutane. I started taking b-complex, minerals and antioxidants and it seems to be helping where medication hasn't in the depression. I'm seeing a naturopath for additional support. As much as I'm tempted to treat any scars I have, I have to stop the active acne first. I try not to dwell on my acne. My nose scar seems to be going away but not my other scars. I'm trying to stay positive and surround myself with things that make me happy. I'm talking to my naturopath about my skin too to see what she has to say. If she says anything noteworthy, I'll post it. Maybe I can heal this from within naturally although I'm skeptical. Taking accutane is still on my list of things I want to do and hopefully put an end to the acne.
I think about my skin. I'm not happy with my skin. The rational thing to do about it is try to stop the active acne first and then deal with the mess it left afterwards. I'm willing to do facial fillers too to fill in any indentations. The chemical peel has improved my nose scar. If I don't mess with it, I think it should stay filled in. I've messed with it before while it was filled in. It weakened the skin and caved in so I realize I can't be stupid. It does have the tendency to want to close up even if I mess with it. It just takes forever then to fill in. It's passed the mirror test but I haven't thoroughly checked if it's okay in all lightings. I have never obsessed about something like the tip of my nose. It just brought up all the insecurities that I had. It was awful. I know it's better but I still get panicked about it. Residual trauma. My depression is still persisting even with medication and I wonder if I should wait for it to get better or just take the accutane without postponing it any longer. Either way, I believe it'll happen soon.
I was looking at my face in the bright sunlight and I saw my acne scars. I don't want anymore and I'm compelled to take accutane. I went to see someone about ematrix and she said that it would do nothing for my nose scar and that she wouldn't even do it anyway because I still have active acne. Which brings me to the next topic of inneov. Even though it hasn't been too long since I started taking it, I've seen no improvement and I'm already sick of trying things. Even if I waited I don't think it would do much. It's too mild to treat my acne. No holistic approach is going to get me the results that I need. I've tried everything and part of me wishes that I had taken accutane sooner but there's no point in dwelling now. Even if I got a treatment like lasers or what not for my acne scars, they would still remotely be visible. I have had acne since I was 10 years old. I'm 27 now and it still hasn't gone away. I still get depressed but medication is helping. The less depressed I am, the more acceptant I am about it. I saw my dermatologist and he did a chemical peel on the tip of my nose to improve the acne scar a little more. I told him that once I got my depression a little more under control that I would start to take accutane. My last resort but a necessary step. We'll see.
So I know that there is really no proof that accutane causes depression or anything related to that. I may eventually take it. The inneov that I've been trying doesn't seem to be doing much. Initially I thought it was but that has subsided. I still get acne. I'll give it some more time but I think it's been a waste so far. As it goes for my nose, it's been okay but the skin is a little fragile and sometimes I see my scar coming through. Someone has suggested something called ematrix and I'm intrigued. I think I might do it. We'll see.
So my mom won me over. I was so close to taking it and then I decided I would make a last ditch effort so I'm on this natural pill called inneov. So far it seems to be moisturizing my skin and make it look healthier and it's only been a few days. My nose scar has toned down again (I really don't get it). I'll keep posting this inneov de-tox thing I bought in Europe. If it's good maybe it'll be worthwhile for someone else. XO I'll keep posting.
I think having an acne scar on the tip of my nose is the last straw. I'm going on accutane in about a week. My nose in some lightings looks like a crater. Sometimes it's better, sometimes not. I got into a fight with my mom about accutane. She's afraid that I'll get depressed on it, go crazy or commit suicide. My dermatologist says that there have been studies that show the rate of suicide or depression is even less than not taking it at all. I'll post how things are going soon and any updates on my two faced nose scar. I'm a little less obsessed about it lately and my skin picking still persists even with the elastic band.
So I'm a skin squeezer, picker. I've done it for so long that the impulse to do it is pretty great. I've decided that I'm going to stop but the problem is I just see the blackheads, whiteheads, and pimples pilling up. I have some acne scarring and I really don't want anymore. Even let's say my acne scar on the tip of my nose goes away, it doesn't take away the fact of my active acne. Just more mess waiting to happen. I don't know if I should go on anymore antibiotics because they seem pretty useless. I have tried pretty much everything except the dreaded accutane and honestly I just might go for the plunge. I don't want to see another blackhead, whitehead or pimple again. I have an elastic band on my wrist to stop me from touching my face. When I do touch it, I flick the band. I can't believe how many times I've already flicked it. This is going to take a while. There's no maintenance regimen nonsense that's going to rid me of my acne. Accutane seems like my last ditch effort. I just hear that it's bad for depression and I'm scared about that. No more acne... No more scars... I'm fed up.
I thought my nose scar was getting worse but I just had one bad nose day and overreacted. It has different faces sometimes. The chemical peel I did worked very well. It helped stimulate collagen and filled up my scar. It has progressively gotten better. I went to a restaurant that has a mirror that shows my nose scar and when I went to check it wasn't there. I don't know if it was because it was a certain time of day but I was relieved. I'll go there a different time of day to double check. My depression seems to be getting a little bit better and I'm more relaxed about my nose scar. My acne though has been flaring up and I'm getting more acne than usual. I'm going to wait it out. If I find a mirror that shows my scar I'm going to post it. There's another restaurant that has shown my scar. I'm going to check that place soon. Other than that, I don't have access to the other mirrors that previously has shown my scars. Maybe you don't care but this is my way to vent. I'll post again soon.
My depression was better today but my obsessions held on. I must have thought about my nose several times during the day. If this continues I'm getting hypnotherapy or something. This all stems from my insecurities. I mentioned the scar to my brother and he said it wasn't a big deal. He said that most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to notice or even care about something like that. I kept talking about it and he got annoyed. I wish I could brush this off that easily. My sister in law said that her sister has a chicken pox scar right on her forehead between her eyes but that she got over it. I want to get over my scar too but it's taking waay too long. Maybe there's some treatment out there that can improve it that I don't know about yet. I wish there was.
I think that my depression has a link to my acne scar obsessions. Once my depression gets better, I think the way I feel about my acne scarring will improve. Obviously I don't like it but I think at some point I need to just move on. Aside from the odd mirror that shows my acne scar it's more or less okay. I think I can deal with that. I say that at least today. I'll just play up my other features. I dyed my hair yesterday abd I think it compliments my skin tone. I'm on a new anti-deppresant and so far it's been okay. Fingers crossed.