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1st blog from a non-blogger....accutane fear

So about time I participated....since I have used this site on and off for years! AND THANK YOU!! I suppose I always struggled with, "why would anyone need my story,? I'm sure others' (story) are much better." So I guess I will just dive in. I am 26 years old and I have had acne since I was 12 years old. Like many, I have been seeing a dermatologist (lots actually) for 14 yrs....been on every antibiotic and every topical available....most work for a couple of months and then I seem to become immune. As a nurse, I dont like being on 1000 mg of tetracyline every day....forever....since my acne does not seem to be hormonal or age related. Being past the high school days and adoscelent issues I have found it even more difficult to deal with a face of cystic acne.....I feel like coworkers, friends, and strangers look at me as if it is my fault and I dont wash my face....bc its "not like im 16 with crazy hormones or something." They dont understand...AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON SAYS WELL HAVE YOU TRIED PRO-ACTIVE???... seriously, of course!!!? ? I have tried EVERYTHING and spend thousands of dollars!!! geez So....i went on accutane when I was 19....4 month regime 20 mg bid. not only did my skin become clear....my skin glowed! I went from wearing makeup to walk the dog, to never wearing anything but mascara! I though I was cured! I never even had side effects from the accutane. My lips were chapped but I never had skin like the sahara desert. After 6 months or so I did start to use acne skin care again....but nothing uncontrollable. A few years post accutane, age 23 or so, it was like I was that 15 year old teen pizza face again. but worse. I cant imagine where I would have been without accutane. i was working for a plastic surgeon at the time and he tried everything...the blue light laser treatmen, microlaser peels, all the topical treatments galore. NOTHING. I struggled for a few years and here in June 2010 found a derm that was determined to get my skin straight. Thank goodness! So we started on my 4 month regime of 40 mg bid. I am now on month 4. and i am scared to death....I have had little improvement. I am still using acne wash and clearasil and duac. My hair and my eyes are dry but my face does not evern need lotion! Does anyone do longer treatments??? I am so afraid...if accutane isnt the solution.....then there isnt one right? very scary. i dont want to post pictures...but im gonna....and i only have my from the first week of accutane to today...... if anyone actually read this...thank you. Erin