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I can't do this anymore

I hate my life. I'm 20 years old, going on 21. and I literally hate my life. I sit in my bed all day and cry- I transferred SCHOOLS. All because I developed a "rash". Doctors say its not acne. Nothing has worked. I haven't tried any oral antibiotics. This started in the end of May. I was supposed to be in Miss New Jersey. I was so beautiful. Blonde, Tan. Skinny. Fast forward to now. I'm pale because I avoided sun and didn't spray tan to irritate my skin all summer. I lost so much weight due to depression. I have red marks all over my face, a scaly rash covering my entire face. A few huge cyst like things and HUNDREDS of tiny bumps on my forehead and cheeks- some inflamed. They are only filled with clear or yellow liquid. I have lost all my friends. Isolated myself. My boyfriend is about to dump me because he thinks I am pathetic. I've made zero new friends at school. In fact, everyone I Have met obviously thinks I have a problem. I'm frail looking. 5'5'' and 106 pounds. I used to LOVE dressing up and giong out. I can't tell you the last time I did that. Four months ago? I was put on antidepressants and am now seeing a therapist. I have used every cream, every lotion, everything. Nothing works. I avoid makeup. I've seen derms, allergists, endochronologists. I am finally on my last leg. I am in the middle of having a patch test done. Currently I'm sitting in my dorm, crying by myself on this beautiful day in nyc. I hate my life. Someone please help me.

daretodream26

daretodream26

09/14/2010

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