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The First Day

Entry 1: Today is the first day in my blog, which is more a journal than anything else. I know, I know they always tell you that people don't want to read blogs about yourself unless you are famous but this is more for me. The subject of this journal is my recovery from acne and the myriad of other things that plague me to the point of depression. Now I know this sounds whiny, and it is, but I need someway for me to put my truths out in the air because I have been hiding the real me for a long time. First, I am a wimp. I have been my whole life. I don't know why but I play the part so well. There is no specific reason why. I am good looking, I am talented, I am charismatic, and I look out for others. However, my wimpiness doesn't stem from any basis of truth, it comes from my paranoid body image. I was a late bloomer, I looked like a little kid till my junior hear of high school, when I finally grew some testicles, literally. Then after an awesome junior year when I finally came into being myself. The following senior year I collapsed, and Acne came in. Things got shitty. I don't know what happened to me but all the paranoia and hate for myself came back, and I missed out on what could have been some of the best years of my life. Then college came and it got worse, I backed myself further and further away from the social world, and became afraid to even go outside on normal days. My acne was terrible, I had trouble talking to people especially girls, but when I did I was successful, but I would soon wimp out, afraid to go into the lime light. Afraid of what everyone else thought of me. So this is where i am right now. Sitting afraid of moving on in a dark room. Afraid because I am a virgin in college, and not of my own volition. Afraid, because I have projected such a strong negative body image my whole life. Afraid, but willing to face my fears, willing to live like i know I can. The only solution, at this point is just to let go. To tell the world how miserable I am and just give up this act of who I am not. I will keep updating the journal intermittently.

Cain521

Cain521

08/15/2010

Last Reply:
08/19/2010

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