So I think AHA is really helping smooth things out on my face and chest. I've pretty much replaced my daytime moisturizer with Dan's AHA and on most days I add teeny tiny dabs of my zinc oxide; I really wish sunscreen wasn't so gross and greasy feeling, but oh well.
As far as my skin clarity, I have one little cyst, but meh, it's not really bothering me too much because my face is still doing good overall. And having smoother skin helps my make up go on smoothly, and I'm liking it.
In other news, I'm going to my first NFL game on Saturday. GO CHARGERS!!!!! I'm so fucking excited! My boyfriend's lab is hosting the tailgate and they're getting a taquero (special taco cook, I guess is the only way to describe it) FUCK, I'm hungry just thinking about it! Gotta love San Diego, baby!
THEN, next weekend we're going to tour some vineyards in Ensenada. I'm looking forward to getting schooled in wine. Me likey.
I was thinking about old times and I was remembering one of my first visits to a doctor to addess my body acne. The doc told me that all the little white bumps, (not sure what they're called, they're not zits, they're tiny, white, raised, closed bumps) would NEVER EVER go away. I just began to cry. I'm not one for emotional responses in public, but wow, I just began sobbing. That was 13 yeas ago. Yep, still there.
BUT, this is a happy post. I just remember how painful that felt; hopeless. As I see it now, it's not a big deal. It is what it is, and I'm not going to let this whole thing ruin my life.
Finding New Hope
After feeling so sad the other day, I'm actually feeling pretty good about my skin today. I woke up and realized I don't have any major breakout situations on my face today; I mean, my face still has more scars and red marks than I can count, plus I do see some minor clogs going on, BUT let's just try to focus on the positive...no huge zits!
I have two major reasons to make some changes: my skin and my muffin. I've really tried to simplify my eating habits because in the past, I have set myself up with some unrealistic expectations (i.e. "I'm going to eat like a perfect little birdy and then I can be a skinny bitch.") This time around, I decided to focus on more balance. I really reduced my dairy intake because I found that it was clogging my pores. The hard part for me is staying away from cheese; I still eat cheese, but only on sandwiches, not as a snack as I had in the past. One word of caution when cutting your dairy-- you also need to watch your soy intake because I have found (and read in Self mag) that soy also clogs pores. I sometimes drink oat, almond, or soy milk with my cereal which helps with calcium, but I also take a calcium supplement.
My bacne is my biggest secret. A secret that I have been trying to keep since 6th grade, I'm 26 years old now, you do the math. Yeah, it pretty much has ruined my life, so it goes.
A BIG STEP--A few times in the past month I have actually worn my bikini without covering up my bacne. This is fucking HUGE! It began by saying to myself, "As long as no one I know can see me (other my bf), then screw it." And I eventually got the balls to bare it all while visiting the pool with a couple of friends. THIS IS EVEN HUGER!! (huger? LOL). Don't get me wrong, I didn't stand directly in front of my friend, showing off my scars, but I actually took off my cover up and hoped that they would be mesmerized by my bodacious boobs to the point that they wouldn't give my back a second look...I think it worked. It surely helps that my hair is getting long enough for me to feel a bit more comfortable baring my back. I actually got a little carried away a couple weekends ago because I was out of town and took full advantage of the hotel pool and beautiful Cali weather, but it resulted in a bit of a sunburn! I didn't even care. I felt so free! I must add that I typically wear sunscreen all over my body (despite being tanned...that's no excuse, people!) AND I am extremely cautious about sun exposure on my face. I wear zinc oxide and a straw visor (I call it my old lady hat, it rocks and I love it!) The last time I went to Disneyland I got a sunburn on my face (didn't realize it til later that night) and HOLY SHIT, I looked jacked up with huge rashy cysts and it freaking hurt that night!
One more thing--If you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a potty mouth, do with it what you like.
In case you're wondering about my regimen:
Dan's BP (thin layer)
Dan's AHA, Neutrogena Healthy Skin Moisturizer, OR Zinc Oxide (depending on my day)
Everyday Minerals (always applied with clean face brushes)
African Black Soap (liquid)
Witch Hazel (to be certain I removed all my makeup)
Dan's BP (half finger)
I also use the (discontinued) Loreal Acne Response SA Peel and the Mint Julep Masque a couple times every week, and I sometimes use Witch Hazel in the afternoon (when I'm not wearing makeup) to freshen up my face.
AHA might be something that could really make a difference in your skin; it helped me out last night...
I really make an effort not to pick my face, but scabbies still happen unfortunately, and yesterday while gently toning with witch hazel the scab that has been bothering the hell out of me for two weeks (wtf, right?) came off and it was one of those, "Shit, that's gonna scar BAD" moments. I could have cried; I stuck tp on it to deal with the bloody fluid and walked away from the mirror feeling defeated.
Half hour later, I gave that cheek an extra gentle wash, dabbed dry and lightly applied AHA.
Next morning my skin was actually pretty smooth. I don't want to give you the impression that this stuff works miracles, but I was pleased that my inadvertent giant bloody pore had not become a huge crater (and trust me, it wasn't looking good last night). As a bonus, my mineral makeup went on so nicely.
In other news, I watched the movie Salt this afternoon while playing hooky with my boyfriend and WOW, that darn Angelina Jolie is freaking beautiful AND her skin is sinfully "perfect." I just kept thinking, "I wonder what it's like to have naturally nice skin." I mean, I get it, there's airbrush and all kinds of money put into making her look stunning, but I've seen other actors, like the lovely Cameron Diaz (known for her acne proned skin) and it's still somewhat visible on the big screen, so yeah. Oh and the movie was good too. I'd give it a 7/10 (maybe plus one point for Angelina's hotness).
That's about it for now. Thanks for reading. Leave me a comment.
...my name is HOV.
Nah, it's just me. This is my first ever blog post, here goes:
I've had moderate acne on my face and back for fifteen years. I'm seriously getting too old for this shit, but life goes on.
I've done a round of Accutane a few years back, it worked for a while. I was clear just long enough to realize, "Oh shit, my skin's doin' ok these days..." then BAM, acne back even worse. I don't even want to know what that crap has done to my insides so I would probably never do another round; I only think of it in moments of desperation, like this very moment.
I have also tried about five different antibiotic tx and creams, gels, info-mercial crap...bleh
I have been doing Dan's regimen off and on between stints of actual hope, but I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it? Why do I bother? I guess I bother because I don't even wanna know (well, I DO know) what would happen to my skin if I just said, "Fuck it."
I feel like makeup is an essential part of me and that makes me pissed off and sad. Some days are better than others, as you may well know, but Everyday is Minerals.
I don't even think anyone reads these blogs. I know I never have. But I really don't care. I just want to get this shit off my chest. (and back and fucking face)
I dream of going as natural as possible with all aspects of my beauty regimen, but until my skin decides to learn how to act, even chemicals can't help me.
I should be sleeping.