Today is day 72 maybe??
Well the wedding went great. It couldn't have gone any better! My husband was so happy, and my evil cousin apologized and cried. Hahaha!
A few days before the wedding, I went to the dermatologist and she prescribed some prednisone. It was a really high dose (I can't remember what it was exactly) and it really helped my face look decent for the wedding! She warned me though that in women there is a high chance of a breakout after you start weaning off of it. Major understatement.
Here I am over a month later and I'm still suffering from that breakout. Cysts all over my poor cheeks and under my jawline. Sometimes I cry because I'm so frustrated that I'm on month three for pete's sake and I still have horrible, horrible, deforming acne. WTF? I know some people say that they didn't clear up till month 5 or so but it doesn't make me feel much better.
I want to make friends out here because it sucks so bad not having my family or best friend around, but I'm scared to be in social situations right now. I'm scared that all anyone will notice or remember about me is my acne. I'm quite young as it is, but I feel like all of my husband's older friends think I'm even more immature or juvenile because I have a condition that in society's eyes should have been solved in highschool.
Not to mention all the stress surrounding my husband and I with talk of us getting sent to Turkey is totally making my face awesome!! Sorry I'm being a sarcastic, bitter person right now. And ugh I wish Theresa, my acne surgery woman, was here right now. (Even though she's rude) She'd at least help alleviate some of these puss filled monsters.
Well, it's time to quit feeling sorry for myself I guess. Oh I got my bloodwork done and my cholesterol and triglycerides were so damn high that I'm being required by the military to see a nutritionist. I swear I eat fairly healthy (haven't had a fast food burger and fries for 5 years) and I work out 4 to 5 times a week. It's totally the accutane. I have some fish oil that I suppose I'll start taking to hopefully bring it back down. And for some odd reason I had high potassium levels which concerned my doctor. So tomorrow I have to go to the vampires again and get more bloodwork done to see if it was just a fluke or something. UGHHH.
On a non-acne note, married life is awesome! Our house is kind of more like an apartment and has an upstairs (something I've always dreamed of having since I was a kid.) Brian complains that it's not that great but to me it's perfect! Newton loves the stairs and loves sleeping in bed with us at night. The weather = amazing!!! I had to actually wear a hoodie and sweat pants yesterday evening when we went to the baseball field! People back home are saying they can't wait till it gets below 75 at night! That's one thing I do not miss! Shopping here is double amazing! And surprisingly I enjoy living on base! It's odd, but I feel much safer than if we lived off base!
Ok well that's definitely enough for now!
Wow tomorrow will be day 20! I've kind of forgotten about being on accutane already. I just take my pills and forget about it. I have no side effects really. Occasionally I'll have a random body part ache, but it goes away in a few hours. I'm always sleepy so my love of long naps is nothing new!
My skin looks better than when I started, but its still reaaaally crappy. I've decided I'm not going to let it get to me that my skin won't look good by the wedding. I have bad skin, so what? It'll be better soon. I have a cyst on my back and a cyst on my chest that are annoying as balls because I have to wear my dress soon! The one on my back can easily be covered by my hair and my veil but the one on my chest is not going to be hidden. Boooo. I have evoclin foam still so I'm going to use it. I might go buy a bar of panoxyl because it normally works really well for me. I just got burnt out on using it and didn't buy any more a few months ago.
My fiance gets in tomorrow at four something, and I'm quite excited! I'm picking him up in my bug though, and the airconditioning is not working in it. I'm almost used to the heat and extreme humidity, but coming from dry california he'll probably have a heat stroke. Oh well haha just kidding.
I still have tons of packing to do and so much more! I need to make a to do list. Oh and I took my pup to the vet today and they said he was adorable and healthy as usual. I had to get all his shots done before he could be boarded this weekend, and I had to buy some motion sickness medicine for the long ride to california. I have barely any money left in the bank after that $134 visit. Ugh. Now let's all pray my face clears up a little overnight so my fiance doesn't run back onto the plane at the airport tomorrow! Hahahaha nah he wouldn't do that...I hope.
My face seems to be improving a bit. It's not oily at all. I used bp last night and it helped reduce the size of some of my jawline cysts. My face still isn't badly dried out so using a bit of bp isn't a problem. My sentences are short and elementary because I'm pissed off. My fiance has been having a bromance for the past 30 hours or so and hasn't bothered to answer most of my calls. I got to talk to him for a whopping 1 minute 2 hours ago. It's really pissing me off. We have so much to do in the next couple of days in preparation for the wedding, and he's off doing god knows what and not answering my texts or calls. There's information I need asap from him and can't get. It's 2 in the damn morning and midnight where he is. wtf. So I'll blow up his phone to make me feel better. No answer...surprise!
ps I'm wondering if I should call my derm and see if she'll prescribe me a week of prednisone to help deflate these cysts before the wedding...it'd be most helpful.
Well my face looks pretty bad right now. It's upsetting to watch it get progressively worse. I've been having a rough couple of days though, so maybe once things calm down a little, it'll get better.
Miraculously though, my face isn't even slightly oily! Wish I could say that for the beach by my house. Yesterday my fiance moved into our house on base! He said it's a little small but upstairs and downstairs is wood floor, so I'm happy with that.
Now what I'm not so happy about is the fact that my fiance got called in to see his first shirt right after he moved in. The first shirt told him that he's getting orders to Turkey. WTF!!!!!! I thought it was bad enough to have to move cross country to California! So ever since we got the news he's been trying to find a way out, and it looks like there isn't any. I'm so depressed and I cry every day because I don't want to go to effing Turkey! It borders Iran and Iraq! It sounds like pure torture and such a downgrade. So why even bother furnish our new house when we'll be leaving in a couple months? It takes all excitement out of moving to California because I know it's only temporary. I'm normally pretty optimistic, but this is just too far out of my comfort zone. I'm thinking about drowning my sorrows in mexican food tomorrow.
Well bridal portraits are tomorrow, and I wish I could say I was excited. If my skin wasn't so bad I would be perhaps. No new side effects. My lips are almost tolerable. Oh yeah and I forgot to mention I finally got my hair done today! The lady did really well, and I love the color. It's just right. She put some layers in it too, and they look really nice.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day! At least I'll be seeing my besties!
Today was a good day, but not for my face! Hahah
I look like I have chicken pox on the bottom half of the left side of my face! I mean it's hideous as hell, but for some reason I just forget about it. (Probably because I haven't really been out in public lately!) I haven't been avoiding going out or anything, I just have no money! Haha
Well today I was supposed to go shopping with my best friends to look for shirts to wear for pictures...but the weather channel said there was going to be massive thunderstorms and my bf doesn't like to drive in the rain. So instead I went over to her house and we had a sweatpants no makeup day! Gosh I'm going to miss her when I have to move. She's the only person I can talk to freely about anything, including acne. Not to mention she's probably the funniest person I know! I accidentally spit sweet tea all over her blinds today when I chokelaughed. hahahaha
As far as acne...it still sucks, but I don't feel hopeless because I can just kick back and let accutane do it's job like I know it will. The oiliness is finally fading! Hallelujah! My stupid lips are manageable, my ribs don't seem to hurt much, and I feel like my lower back is going to explode (but it could just be sore from the exercising I did to tame my lovehandles teehee). My eyes are a bit dry which makes me sleepy, so I end up laying down for a second on the couch and I wake up and it's 1.5 hours later. One time it was 4 hours! But I sure do love to nap so it doesn't bother me!
I've been having weird dreams since I started accutane. I kind of enjoy it/kind of fear going to sleep because most of them are dark and scary. The first night, I had a dream that I was swimming in a pool with Ellen Degeneres and she had a heart attack and started pulling me to the bottom of the pool drowning me. Just last night I had a dream that there was a lesbian cult in my backyard killing themselves and my cousin (that's very unconcerned for herself or others and not a lesbian in real life) was one of them. It was horrible! Then it started raining fruit. Why do I keep dreaming about lesbians? Hahah maybe I'll look it up in a dream dictionary! Ok I tried looking it up and it said nothing about seeing lesbians just being one. Darn.
Well tomorrow my fiance moves into our house!!! And he'll be down here in a week! That soon?!?! Holy crap. I hope my face has mercy on me and gets a little better. Or at least quits sprouting horrible new zits. SO MUCH TO DO!!!! Tomorrow I absolutely must make a hair appointment. No excuses! And I do believe if it doesn't storm we shall go shopping!
That's enough for now!
ps I started taking fish oil because I don't want to eff up my triglycerides and a little omega 3 never hurt anybody
So I'm kind of nervous to go to bed now and have a horrible dream. Maybe if I think about pleasant funny things I'll dream about them! Haha
I can't count! Haha I'm pretty sure it's day 10 though.
Let's see...my face is super oily and frustrating. Before Accutane my face was less oily! It's also humid as balls down here on the coast (which makes it feel even stickier and oilier), and the oil spill is starting to reach the city my wedding and honeymoon is in!! Thank god I'm getting married on a boat in the bay and not on the beach like I almost did.
I really know how to get off topic, don't I? Anyway, on with acne related stuff. Like I said before my face is a greasy mess, and I'm getting acne on my forehead where I never really get it normally. Annoying. I'm having the worst cysts on my jawline ever. They're lasting forever, and they're so painful! I try not to mess with them because I know it'll be futile.
I need to get my bridal portraits done soon, but I've been putting it off with the whole huge breakout I got a few weeks ago (pre-accutane.) My skin overall is looking much better already. I wish I would've started accutane when I was originally supposed to instead of chickening out! I'd already be on month 4 or 5 by now! Oh well. Haha I'll still have the same end results just probably not in time for the wedding. That's what photoshop is for I guess! It's a sunset wedding, so at least A) I won't get fried, and B) maybe the lighting on my face won't be as harsh and no one will notice how my skin looks!
And one last thing...my lips are annoying the crap out of me! I just have to forget I have lips at all to keep myself sane! They still feel like they're covered in a layer of plastic even when I have nothing on them. The only thing that provides the slightest bit of relief is jojoba oil mixed with aquaphor. I got a whole free bottle of jojoba when I tried dan's regimen, so it's finally serving a purpose.
Well that's all for today!
One week and one day down! Hahah not too much to celebrate but the fact that my skin is showing improvement already sure is!
Let's see...my lips are driving me insane! They're not cracked but just super dry and plasticy! I almost wish they'd crack just to relieve the constantly-feeling-like-they're-covered-in-wax feeling. As far as any other side effects I just have weird soreness/pain in my sternum and ribcage. It's weird. Like when I stretch or lay on my stomach and then return to a normal position then it hurts temporarily. Oh well I'll chalk it up to a temporary side effect. (If I tell myself it's temporary, I won't worry myself to death over it and make it worse.)
My skin is impressing me. I still have some major problems with my jawline but my cheeks are taking a turn for the better! I'm still super oily which irritates me because I really want to be dry. Last night I had some green tea and held the tea bag to my face after it steeped. I think it helped with the redness (and it felt good).
Non-accutane related things...we finished the centerpieces almost completely today! I need to help my mom finish the shoulder straps for the bridesmaid dresses tomorrow. Oh and pack my whole life in boxes. That should be fun. Not. Hahah. And I finally found food my little dachshund puppy likes! He's 6 months and has hated every expensive, high end, super amazing puppy food I've bought so far and has to be force fed. I finally said screw it and bought puppy chow and he loves it! He eats it in one sitting aaannnddd then goes outside and goes potty!! My vet told me dachshunds are the hardest to potty train so this is a victory! And I get to see my loving fiance in technically 11 days! Insane!!
Ok so I counted wrong the last time I wrote, and I was actually on day 4! Haha So tomorrow will mark my one week!
Today was crappy. It's getting to crunch time with wedding plans and a certain guest is demanding to bring a date although she just started dating him. My fiance and I have never even met him or heard of him until she wrote "Plus 1" on her RSVP card. Who does that? The invitation never said you could bring someone, but I guess for people like that you have to spell it out. Our wedding is a very intimate event with just 35 of our closest family and friends that we're trying to do on a budget, and we've had to tell family members not to bring anyone extra. She's not even family. It'll cost an extra $111 to have this guy I've never met come to my wedding not to mention I'd have to rearrange my tables seating to accommodate. One of my fiance's friends already asked if he could bring his girlfriend, and he had to tell him that we couldn't really afford it. Now this girl's mom is offering to pay the hundred just to have this guy come to our 4 hour wedding. Seriously? That makes me feel like I'm being really pressured to say yes. Ughhhh. This girl and her family is from my fiance's side and are pretty close to him so I can't say much because I don't want to be bitchy.
Ahhh... it felt good to vent. Even though no one is reading this I don't think!
So last time I said I was going to the dermatologist to get extractions and stuff for my major cysts. Oh gah...it was some of the most intense pain of my life. No joke. This lady (not my derm) was merciless! She did get a few of the way underneath ones drained, but she was just sticking needles into my face!! She kept going after this one huge cyst on my jawline that I know for a fact wasn't ready to pop. Today I have a huge scab from her attempts. She also made a comment about me having a hairy chin (something I'm very self conscious about), and said I needed to shave it. WTF. And that I was a good candidate for laser hair removal after accutane. (Still though it's kind of rude.) When she was finally done with killing my face, it was swollen in the cheeks. She used qtips to pop zits which to me is waaay painful. It was like I got botox and couldn't move my face for like 15 minutes after I got out of there. And I was worried because I had my bachelorette dinner (hibachi yay!!) at like 6 that night. Everything ended up being fine and my face felt better by 6 though!
Today my face feels better somewhat. It's still oilier than the gulf of mexico. (haha I know that's bad to say. I live on the gulf coast, but my best friend said this the other day, and I died laughing). My lips still feel weird like they have a permanent waxy chapstick feel even when I don't have anything on them. I'm assuming they're really dry and just not cracking, so I've been religiously applying blistex and some other stuff.
I have a headache now, but I think it's because I cried really hard today because of all the stress with the wedding. I'm trying to drink a ton of water in hopes that maybe I'm just a little dehydrated. No blurred vision, no aches, no weirdness that I notice. Hahaha
My face still looks like poo, and I tried to take pictures today but my camera battery kept dying. Then when I finally got the pictures, I was so disgusted and upset that I couldn't post them. It's that bad. But I'm keeping my head up because it will all be better soon enough!
Well tomorrow's a new day, and I'm just one day closer to clear skin!
I'll write again soon.
P.s. My back seems to be drying out and the bacne is drying out with it! Success!
I don't quite understand writing on here, so if I'm doing something wrong let me know!
I'm on my third day of Accutane (actually Claravis but whatev), and I decided to write a log on here. I'm mostly doing this to track my progress and kind of monitor myself. All positive comments are more than welcome though! Negative...not so much. Haha
So like I said, today is my third day of accutane. I've had acne for as long as I can remember. It started out just bumps, but now I've got full blown cystic acne. My dad had bad skin too, so I'm thinking genetics are helping with my demise. Anyway, I don't just get the occasional cyst. I have at least 3 painful ones at all times. And that's not even including the dime-sized lumps in my cheeks under the skin from cysts past. It looks and feels like every single pore in my face is clogged or has a bump. I also have bumps on my chest, shoulders, and back.
I've been seeing a dermatologist since 9th grade. We've tried everything (doxycycline, minocycline, and about every form of topical medication), and my skin just gets used to it and quits responding. Most of the stories I've read on here the person has really wanted to go on accutane. I'm the exact opposite! I tried everything, even natural remedies, before I would let myself take the plunge. My face has just erupted the past couple of months, and I really had no choice but to give in.
My normal dermatologist (a guy) was only concerned about me getting pregnant and getting on birth control. It didn't seem like he actually cared about my skin. It felt like he was just ready to put me on accutane so he could wash his hands of me, and could say "well I've tried everything." So I got an appointment with an amazing woman derm a week ago! As soon as she walked in the door, she took such an aggressive attitude towards killing my acne. I was ecstatic (and still am)! I told her I was already in the Ipledge program and she was floored so she gave me bcp and I did all my necessary tests the next day. Everything happened so fast, but it was wonderful to feel like someone actually cared about my acne. I wish I'd gone to her from the start so I wouldn't be dealing with already scarring skin.
So here I am on day 3. Actually it's about to be day 4. I have an appointment with my dermatologist tomorrow where I think the main objective is to remove or drain or do something with the huge under-the-skin cysts that I have. As far as any side effects that I've had...my face actually seems MORE oily! Haha. It's a bummer, but I'm sure it'll pass. My face is more broken out than it was a few days ago, but no new cysts! The cysts seem to be going away, but I'm breaking out in smaller pimples. Which honestly doesn't bother me.
I'm also getting married in like 3 weeks (I know you're probably cringing because that's not enough time to fix my acne), so let's all hope and pray my face is manageable. I know it won't be clear, but I just hope no huge cysts decide to pop up! That was my main concern going on accutane because I fear the initial breakout!
I'm sorry this is so long! I tend to write novels.
Until next time!