I've known it for a long time.In my siblings of four,i am the ugly child.Always has been.Always will be.My skin is not as flawless as my sisters',my nose is not as sharp as my brothers',my eyes are not as gorgeous as my little sisters'....It seemed like they have taken all the amazing features and left me with crappy ones.
I avoid social settings.Parties,gatherings....I would die of humiliation and self-pity if i do.I've heard it multiple times..."You have horrible skin".Please.I know i do.Don't point it out to me again and again and again...My acne ruins everything.The marks left behind are constant reminders of how it threatens to attack again,bringing down my self-confidence with it.
I wear lots of makeup.Foundation,concealer..in hopes of becoming pretty.Every single day,without forgetting.But what's the use?My scars are still there,even with makeup.And when i wash it all off,the water is accompanied by my tears.The pain,my self-worth...i could die right now and it'll be okay,because there would be one less ugly person on the planet.
Dear God.Please.I beg of you.I never miss my prayers.I am late sometimes,but i always pray to you dear God.Forgive me for not being grateful and thankful that i AM alive and well,instead just whining and complaining about my face.Forgive me,for i have sinned to you so many times.Perhaps this is your punishment to me.Dear God,please let me heal and be pretty again.
so i went to meet my dermatologist today!
he asked a lot of things,but one of them were:
"so you've had this for THREE years and you never sought treatment for it?"
that really struck me.i thought my acne would just,ya know,go away.but i was wrong.i should've seen the dermatologist YEARS ago,so i could have it treated and have nice skin now :/ well now i've learnt my lesson!heed,children. YOU GET ACNE,SEE A DERMATOLOGIST NOW!!
anyways.he gave me some antibiotics and a day + night cream.this also means i can't do my usual benzoyl peroxide regimen.hmm.let's see how this goes.
* starts singing california girls by Katy Perry.anybody else hooked by that song? *
Haaaaaaay :Dthis is my first day on the regimen,and i hope it goes well. :)ok,background check.my mum had acne in her forties!that really scared me because i know genetics play a part in determining the type of skin you will have...anyways.my brother had pretty bad acne during his teen years.thankfully he went to a dermatologist,and now he's all clear *claps for brother*my sister?pshh.her skin is FLAWLESS.ok,maybe some blackheads.and some zits.but perfect compared to mine. :/my skin.well..what can i say?i've had acne since puberty.not all-over-my-face-cystic acne,but the big,painful pimple only during my period.i thought it wasnt that bad.UNTIL i got ALLLLLLLLL these whiteheads!OMAIGOD!i knew i had to stop it before it got worse..oh,and every pimple LEAVES A SCAR!i now have black spots where pimples used to be T.Tso yeah.me and my history X) (of my skin at least,HAHA) i pray that Dan's regimen will work AWESOMELY for my skin! *please God pleeeeeasseeeee*