So the aczone was making me break out like crazy! i had at least 8 big red cysts that hurt to touch/put anything on and I could see tons of little pimples trying to push their way out. I counted them, not including the ones that weren't big, and I had 32, THIRTY FUCKING TWO. WHAT! I was crying all day. My boyfriend suggested just stopping the aczone and cetaphil since those were my only skincare changes other than the birth control. I washed with water and a tiny bit of clean and clear makeup removed ( i dont want to use it because it may break me out but I need something to take off my make up and i dont know of anything else, if anyone knows let me know...) and applyed B.P. (3.7%..thinking about getting a higher dose, anyone like a specific one?) So i applied the B.P. and within 12 hours my skin had cleared quite a bit. The cysts had shrunk, they weren't as red, weren't pulsating and weren't sore. The little whiteheads that were coming out went away and my skin isnt as blotchy. I still got a new pimple or two the next morning, which I'm used to, but at least I'm not too embarrassed to leave the house. WOW so either A) I'm allergic to aczone, since nothing I can find online suggests an initial breakout with Aczone. or B) the Benzoyperoxide was doing WAY more for my skin than I thought it was or c) Cetaphil is fucking horrid and causes acne. I also stopped wearing loose powder to set my foundation and concealor. My face doesn't look as nice when I go out, lots of visible acne scars, but hopefully it will help keep my skin a bit clearer. I've STILL been eating like shit. It's like, how much do I really care about my skin if I wont fix my diet. I'm starving right now, I think I'll have eggs for lunch. I've taken some pictures of my skin but dont know quite how ot upload them?
today has been horrible. my face has been breaking out horribly it hasnt been this bad since...last year maybe? I did some research and people broke out around the chin with cysts from using both the aczone and the yasmin. UGGGGHHH if i am left with a battlefield of zits and scars it will be hard to live lilfe normally. i cant believe i can actually get myself to class. I am so sad. i am embarrassed to let my boyfriend see my face even WITH make up which is hard since we live together. I am going to call my derm tomorrow and ask what I should do. Ive never called and asked a question like that though so I don't know if they will do that or laugh at me and tell me to make an appointment. Or should i ask the pharmasist? fhsfhsadifhajdfhsdkghfds. i am ready to agree to accutane and start it in a month once summer school is over, pull out of reg school or do an online class and move in with my parents and lock myself inside until my skin gets better. but what if it doesnt? ive seen so many reviews of people who dont get better, or they get worse, but then so many good reviews. I dont know how i would move on with my life if accutane made things worse. i am praying for the aczone and birthcontrol and doxy to start working, unlikely but. can tears cause acne? i so paranoid when i cry that i am making myself break out. if i get any more cysts tomorrow im requesting to get them injected i cant handle this.
So I've been eating like shit (about to eat a hamburger with onion rings and drink vodka) because I've been house sitting at my boyfriends parents house with him. Of course we had to party it up. I've been using the topical gel i was prescribed and my skin is happier! It's looking healthier. Less oily and dry, more balanced. Still is oily and I still have those pesky pimples around my mouth. They're actually at a head right now so i put some bp on em because they look gross and I am trying so hard not to pop/pick. I have gotten like 2 new pimples which is incredible, i usually get a few A DAY. So i'm hopeful that this topical is going to help. I havent started the doxycycline because 1) i want to see how the topical does by itself 2) i read it can cause yeast infections and im not even messing with that if I dont have to. I might have to. but hey lets cross our fingers that this new topical is the shit. This burger im going to eat is my final junk food meal. Im back to wheatgrass shots and celery juice after. i suck at photography, i really do and its embarrassing. i fucked up my photoshoot yesterday because i was all buzzed and it was so windy i couldnt even hold my camera still. i have to go again today once my boyfriend gets off work. wish me luck i cant fuck this class up or im banned from city college for awhile. god what a fucking loser i am. I cant believe i actually failed classses because i was too embarrassed to show my ugly face in class. fuck you acne for helping to ruin my academic career.
So here I am again. 23 year old female who has been battling minimal to moderate to severe acne since elementary school. I've tried Differin, Tazorac, Retin-a, Duac, birth control, almost all oral antibiotics, B.P., AcneFree, Tea tree oil, way too many drug store products...oh, I'm sure there's more but you all know the point I'm getting across...my acne is smarter and more persistent than anything a doctor has ever prescribed for my face. It likes to play with my emotions, be consistently inconsistent, and ravage my personal and emotional life. Acne is a fucking slut, whore, cock sucking, bitch. Today I missed my 3rd day of summer school because I was desperate to see a dermatologist and this was the only time they could fit me in until the end of July. So I did what any acne sufferer would do...I chose the possibility of fixing my face (and getting the 1/2 wide cyst next to my nose injected) over ensuring and "A" grade in my class. Ah, how vain and pathetic acne has made me. Anyway, the last time I went to the derm, this guy Dr.Novatt, who for some fucking reason my doctor recommended. He pretty much glanced at my face and I told him what medications I'd used and he said Accutane. I started crying, which he was totally oblivious to, and mentioned side affects, initial break outs, etc. He basically said the side effects probably wont happen, but if they do we'll just pull you off of it. OK? So what if I'm one of those people who has to get pulled off right in the middle of the initial break out? I'm just fucked pretty much? I don't know. So I'm crying and nurses and walking in and out of the room its fucking ridiculous, about 4 different nurses walked in and out of the room while I was trying to talk to this asshole doctor and bawling my eyes out at the same time. He even had the nerve to say, "If you can handle going out with your face the way it is you will be able to handle going out on accutane." WTFTTFTFTFTFT. His bedside manner and refusal to even discuss other options really bothered me. So, despite every negative emotion I was feeling toward the doctor and accutane, I decided to sign up for the iPledge and think about it for the month. Well the Dr's office forgot to get a pee test from me so I took that as a sign and decided to change my diet, hoping to help my acne. I'd have to say diet helped a bit, maybe 10-20% of my acne started to clear. My doctor put me on Yasmin which is supposed to start helping around the third month (I'm just finishing my 2nd). So...wow I ramble. I woke up yesterday morning with a HUGE cyst in the same spot I had just had one, right next to my nose, and I just lost it. I threw a temper tantrum on the floor like a 3 year old, while cursing like a 80 year old sailor. I got my shit together and called a new dermatologist who fortunately had a opening for the next day, but that meant I'd have to miss school, on the third day, big no no. But hey, maybe one day I'll be that person I admire who chooses obligations and education over looks, just not today. I honestly feel that if it weren't for my acne I would have excelled in school and been more outgoing and just be in a better place physically, emotionally, and just in life in general. I would have probably tried to make friends, participate in after school activities, tried to play sports. Bah, I can't dwell on that though. I need to get back to the point of this first post. Today I was prescribed doxycycline and Aczone gel, as well as staying on my birth control, Yasmin. My derm also said to try stay away from meat and eggs and milk unless they are not treated with/have added hormones and grass fed. She kind of said just no milk in general actually which I don't mind cause almost milk is da bomb diggity. She also suggested light yoga and other things to de-stress since I am a very stressed out person, almost always, plus I suffer from anxiety and depression. My derm thinks this my work, but she is not ruling out the possibility of accutane. Even if I did have to do accutane, I feel more comfortable doing the course with her, instead of that dickity old man. So here I am, ready to start my first day. I will apply it tonight after I shower. From reading other people's posts about this (which are few and far between as it's a newer topical) it might not be strong enough to tackle my acne but I'm going to hope and even try to pray (haven't in a good while) for peace and serenity throughout this whole ordeal. I'm going to try to only put good, whole, living things into my body, drink tons of water, and follow my regimen religiously. Now, I need to buy some new cleansing and moisturizing products. Maybe a toner? I need something that will make suuure all my make up is off before bed. Suggestions? I kind of go crazy looking at the makeupalley reviews because there's always a few people who hate the product or it's the worst money they've ever spent or it made them break out in cysts. OMG rant. People who are like omg I have the biggest zit on my chit omg wha wha. FUCK OFF OR I WILL RUB MY GREASY FACE ALL OVER YOURS AND YOU'LL REALLY SEE SOME PIMPLES. I have like 15-25 at a time mother fuckers. Be greatful for what you have. That's why you'll never see me complaining about "Oh no I gained a pound" I'm not perfect by any means but I'm not going to publicly bitch about it because I'm not an obese fat ass who feels like shit when people who have slight weight problems, or none at all, bitch and whine about their bodies. This rant came on after a post on this livejournal community I'm in where this girl who said she had quite a bit of acne asked for advice and got people leaving comments like the one above. "Omg I have one zit I can't even face my boyfriend" ..." or "yeah I hate acne it's the worst I get it so bad I have like 3 pimples on my face at all times" RAHSUDHUKSH OK I get it, it's all in perspective and everyone is different but FUCK. Last but not least. Today I've drank a decent amount of water but it's only noon. I've eaten some tri-tip with salsa for breakfast but my derm said stay away from the meat and I got that at Baja Grill who knows what kind of meat it is...so that was a no-no but salads mmm yummy for the rest of the day. The cyst my derm injected is already looking smaller, hopefully it doesn't leave such a horrible red spot. Oh and tonight when I put on my topical I'll take pictures so me/you can see my starting point and monitor the progress. How do you upload em? WISH ME LUCK. I wish everyone out there dealing with skin problems luck, even the girls I bitched about above (but only so I don't have to hear/read about their one pimple a month around their period drama). No one deserves to have horrible skin. Everyone should be able to look someone else in the face or go swimming and get their face wet, or not have to wear make up while camping. No one should have to cry the way I have, lock themselves indoors, even feel too embarrassed to see family and friends on some days. I've found a few blogs on here already that really touched me. I never knew there was an outreach website for acne, just like this is for almost every other disease on the planet. OH ONE LAST THING THEN I SWEAR IM DONE. Has anyone ever had acne because of food allergies? I swear I break out more when I eat wheat but I could be tripping. I'm considering going to an allergist to get a test. Any experiences would be cool.