okay, so it's day 2. i only picked once! im so proud of myself, all i did was squeeze one whitehead quick and easy. only im not done my morning regimen yet, so we'll see. Doing it in the dark, aside from when i absolutely have to watch my face really works, but i still have a big problem touching my face, but one thing at a time right? after the last 2 days my face still looks really bad, but i refuse to dwell on it. it just sucks that at 27 i look more like im 17. ppl always say oh you'll grow out of it, ya right! luckily i don't have to go to work like the rest of the world, so i can hide. not that that is good either, but i think just until it goes away, then when i hv to face up i can at least try to cover myself up with makeup. my face doesnt feel as itchy right now. yesterday it was so bad i had to stomp around to distract myself, and i just wanted to crawl out of my skin. im still sort of keeping up with the log too. wonder how long i will. got to be positive... i cant be so consumed with this that i forget everything else.
even if im the only one who sees this, i hope it still helps to get it out... okay so now its the first day of trying not to pick. i think i should take baby steps becasue it clearly wont all happen at once. right now im trying to not pick and not touch my face. way too tall an order i think, because im still obsessing, and my face is really itchy right now. maybe its psychological because didnt realize how much i touch my face during hte day, and not touching it is making me feel like its itchy. im keeping a log right now of my progress. between last night and this morning, i created 7 new sores on my face, one in particular the size of a nickel. i started the log 2 and a hlf hours ago and ive tocuhed my face at least 30 times in that time. but at least i havent picked! i decided im not looking in the mirror anymore. im going to dim the lights and wash my face that way. im also going to put a picture of the way my face looks today beside the mirror so i can be reminded about how much damage i do to my face. i still have a faded mark from the huge quarter sized sore i gave myself at christmas by picking. i hid my face in the pictures. everytime i know i have to go out in public it makes the picking get worse. i also am obsessed with my clothes. if they get dirty, or especially damaged i get really upset. i got nto the habit of not wearign anyhting really nice because i dotn want it to get dirty. seeing people with clear faces makes me feel wose about myself. but writing this makes it a tiny bit better. this started after my wedding last summer. i looked my best with no cold sores, and only one zit that i can remember, but its gone downhill since then. yes i have had about 50 cold sores in the last year, but none for 2 months now tomorrow. i remember when i got the cold sores i said id rather have a face full of acne then one cold sore, boy was i wrong.