I've been pretty clear for about two and a half weeks...then a series of spots popped up in the same place as always, my left cheek. I didn't wait, I picked of course. They healed within a few days because I'm mean to them and force them to reduce quicker using unconventional methods. This leaves scars and little bumps but at this point I would rather deal with those than a spot. This is me being stubborn again. I can deal with the mental distress over covering a scar more so than covering a bump...know why? Cause I cry when I have to cover that bump. I know...I'm selfish and I have high expectations of myself. I need to get over that and until I do I will probably keep picking and scarring and not being completely happy.
I can't wait until the day when I can walk outside without makeup and be happy.
I'm pretty sure the southern air was a big factor in my minor breakout this week but I'm getting it under control...I hope haha. I'm in a good mood though...even though it is raining outside here in lovely Ohio.
The beach this past week was absolutely beautiful! I have the most gorgeous pics of a sunrise on my phone.
Not only is that southern air just constantly wet, but I also didn't get much sleep because we were required to leave at 6 every morning to go teach at a school an hour from our beach house. This means I got up at 4:30 every freakin morning...not enough time for my skin to take a break from reality.
Oh well, hopefully it'll calm down in the next week or so...BUT, the big point here is I'm not letting it get me down because I know I'm alright lol. I've stopped worrying for the time being which is good
You know how you get really happy and excited when you clear up (which I have almost done yay!)? Well lately I've been experiencing this sick feeling along with the happiness...the feeling that says this won't last for long and you'll have another spot to deal with in just a little while....I HATE that feeling. I'm trying to follow this new regimen that I came up with and it's kind of intense I guess cause I'm doin a face wash and neutrogena deep clean and witch hazel and BP and then I've got minocycline and biotin and B-6 and Niacin and ibuprofen...and I've been trying to clean up my diet but we'll see how that goes. I hate that sick feeling though...if I could be clear and know that I'm gonna be clear for awhile I would love it but now I'm always waiting for the next breakout....y'know? GAH!
Ok so now I'm starting to think that my 'acne' problem is not actually acne but what they call that pirytosporum folliculitis. I have all these clogged pores that have been around forever and have not turned into anything yet but some that have been irritated have turned into big inflamed bumps...like acne but now I'm not so sure that it is. Yes, I get pimples every so often like everyone, but I really think that what I have may be more of this fungal infection than acne. I'd actually rather it be a fungal infection than acne. I'm gonna set up a doctor's appt hopefully within the week to see what's goin on....wish me luck?
Oh, or if you have experience with this pirytosporum please tell me what kind of things happen along with it! Thanks.
I hate going through these mood swings. I hate it because the one spot I thought I had under control has gotten bigger. Ugh. I hate you I hate you I HATE YOU! I'm convinced that this is why people become drug addicts and alcoholics.
I think one of the problems is I haven't really been eating the past two days because I haven't had time really and when I do hae time I just forget about it because I'm not hungry at that moment.
I hate this. I hate my face. I feel ugly.
I'm not ugly. It will go away. I have to be patient. That's the rational part of me speaking but that's the version of me that's way under the surface right now. I feel like going home again because there my parents don't judge me for having obvious problems with my skin. Effin sucks. I'm gonna go take a shower. I already got up super early and did the moisturizer routine. I need to calm down.
Ok so no one will probably read this but IF YOU DO...my mother advised me today to stock up on my vitamins so I bought B-6, Biotin, and I already have Niacin on top of what's left of the Minocycline I've been taking for a little over a month and then Ibuprofen. >phew< that's a lot to remember haha on top of using this new cleanser and moisturizer and BP. We'll see what happens in the next two days because I am hoping these suckers go down even more by saturday night...that's my guy's band's next show
Wish me luck?
Ok so this morning I was obviously not in the best emotional shape but today has been a good day so far. So my face is still broken out...OH WELL. I have covered it up as best as I can with makeup and I know that my guy still likes me even though I am broken out so that's really the best thing. I skipped one class today and it wasn't because I was emotionally distraught...it was because I went to lunch with the guy and had a good time
I was even able to sleep this afternoon and now I have a break for an hour until my next class so overall I am in a good mood. I still don't like looking in the mirror but I can smile at myself at this point at least. It really doesn't look that bad I have to keep telling myself that. It's a few spots and by next week they should be down and I will be back to being happy...BUT I will have to maintain the BP and using this new cleanser and moisturizer.
Which btw I love! I used a terrible type of moisturizing system before and my chin and area around my mouth was so flaky but today it hasn't been that bad. To touch up, and this may sound weird, but to touch up I put a little neosporin on which helps too. It probably isn't the best way to touch it up but it works for me and hasn't caused any problems yet that I know of. I just took another ibuprofen so hopefully that'll help with the swelling and pain some more.
I just have to keep telling myself that life really isn't that bad. I am still a beautiful person no matter what kind of skin problems I may have at the moment and I know that I will be on track to taking care of them soon. One or two spots aren't gonna get me down even if they are the size of Texas (which they aren't). I know that probably not a lot of people read this since I write a lot but I just need to type it all out that way I have told someone...even if it's only myself as I'm typing. But anyway, life really isn't that bad right now and hopefully I maintain this attitude for the next couple of days while these biotches take their course.
I hate looking at my face in the mirror. I used the aveeno complexion clearing face wash last night and the ultra-calming cream which granted is supposed to be for day time but since this stuff doesn't clog pores then it should work at night too, right?
I put more BP on and it looks even bigger today. It has been four days since it's birth and I am ready for it to die already. Like ok, it looks like it's coming to a head but at the same time it hasn't yet. Like you can see the white under the surface in the middle of the flaming pink but it hasn't emerged yet. Effin sucks.
I hate looking like this and it has a cousin not too far away from it...thank goodness it's smaller.
I am in such a bad mood though like constant verge of tears. I am thinking about going home for the day and missing my four classes this morning which would not be good. I already missed this first class twice and if I miss again then I start getting docked. I suppose I could go home tomorrow for the day. I only have linear algebra in the morning but sh**...I have a quiz I forgot. God I hate life so much right now.
Last night my guy and I hung out and he is just so good y'know? He doesn't even look at it. He only looks right in my eyes. I feel like a gigantic gross mess and he just looks back with warmth in his eyes and its so nice and here I go again on the verge of tears as I write this.
You ever feel like you shouldn't be loved because of your acne/breakouts? Please if you have felt this way leave a comment and how you cope with it.
So I just introduced myself in the introduction forums and now I've decided to blog because I need to tell someone about what's going on with my problematic face because I'm too embarrassed to talk about it with the people I know, including the guy I'm seeing.
I just wish it would go away. I never had this problem before about a year ago and now it is this persistent leech in my life that sucks all my life spirit out of me and makes me even more self-conscious than I was before. And I'm sorry for spelling errors I'm typing quick because I have to go tutor in about 20 minutes.
Anyway, I just really hope to find someone on here who has the same problem I do...not necessarily bad acne but the occasional breakout that litters my face and makes it impossible for me to be happy. Even though it doesn't look that bad! It's one little spot that is making me feel like complete crap and people keep asking me what is wrong with me and I'm SURE they can see it. I should upload pics of the sucker but my camera is out of commission.
But yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say right now. Except tonight is hangout night with the guy and I'm just not thrilled for him to see me like this. He's seen me like this before but I hate that it keeps happening y'know? It's been constant for the past month...as soon as one goes away another one pops up. Am I being too depressed? I am aren't I...I'm letting this control my life and I shouldn't. I'm gonna take a deep breath. Ok...I took more than one. Off to tutoring.